Sexuality is difficult.
At 17 loosing my virginity I felt amazing. I felt sexy and invincible.
Now I am 25 , and have eloped into some sexuality beyond the heterosexual missionary position. I feel experienced, and some sexual activities bore me and I honestly don’t waste my time with.
Other things turn me on.
I have never orgasmed so much in my life.
At 17, 18, 19, 20 years of age I was worshiped and pounced on.
Now people see me and I am “not marriage material”.
25 I am all of a sudden supposed to loose all experience and be innocent.
How the fuck do I do that?
Why the fuck would I want to do that?
You know how long it took to find out what makes me climax ? Orgasm isn’t always a thing you can find when engaging with a partner. Especially if you are only truly able to do it by yourself.
I feel torn, or maybe in a sense, with one foot in the closet and the other exposed. These fantasies are not sinful, hurtful or uncommon, but at 25, eight years of sexual inter-course has to stay in the closet.
Because I am a woman.
Which makes me a whore.