July
Adele’s “When we’re young”subtly but astutely speak of our desire to keep some things the way it used to be to reminisce about that time/period that have passed and to cherish people,things that stay close to the heart.It could be a trip,a dinner,a moment at the ball as captured by Renoir in Bal du moulin de la Gallette.As human beings we love to hold on to material things,remember people who have helped us and reminisce some of the high points in our lives. That spun off ‘Take a moment,not a selfie’ jingle in a chain of cafe in some countries.
Approaching July
Coincidentally the month of July is more significant than others because it is
1)Start of school/matriculation day for university.
2)Half a year gone and the time to race in career matters/tone/speed up and so on.
3)Start of a new life as l finally got back everything in my life and to make a change.
Hope
I always say that man cannot live without hope.It is true as the driving force to power you to get your wants.People without a hope in mind often end up struggling aimlessly and do not get anything done. I remember my mum’s oncologist stating the facts about her condition and the difficulties of bringing a patient through chemotherapy because of the pain,side effects and possible complications.She gave mum hope as in although it was a palliative regime, the chances of living for another 5 years are good and what that five years mean to her and other patients.My mom went on to live a full life for another seven years! I always feel that the passing on was because she has lost her will to fight for one sunny afternoon she said ‘this is cancer right? I don’t think I can live ,there’s no cure for the condition right?’. The day after she fell and spiral downward.
For me ,hope is the fire that drives me up in studies,career and life in general. I know without the little hope l have l would be a lost soul having so many difficulties in life/family and competition at work.Till date the little prayer that I say before sleep is steep in hope.My morning offerings of fine incense is a hope for a good day at work,safety of people and pet dog Amanda at home.
A good day at work
My definition of a good day at work is one when I can treat people and let them get well.Heartwarming gestures like bringing their first grandchild to me and sharing the hard times they brave through when the grandpa passed on. The tearing in the eyes, hope expressed in smiles really make my day.Seeing my niche group of patients who are familiar and close to me is a great day too.Their zest for life rubs on me and make me feel energetic and empowered though I am getting older by the day.Being informed of loyal patients’s demise is a sign of respect and trust that I am genuinely interested in caring for the old. I have to say that there’s a tinge of sadness that I won’t be seeing them again but the hope that they are in a better place now makes me happy. I always spend a short moment saying a little prayer with the patient in my heart.
Bal du moulin de la Gallette
I love this piece of art by Renoir.It tells of joys of having good friends around and the Sunday open air party near his home in Paris. My own take on the piece of art is that it is the theme of my first year in medical school ball and the joy of being in the faculty itself is a good feel all over.That as l quote Renoir is indescribable and certainly inimitable even till today.The piece is of sentiments that cannot be forgotten nor could it be replicated in anyway now because everyone and everything has changed.That is the great French Impressionist take on ‘a moment ‘when he was happy with his friends around him.
Just July
- I cannot forget the difficulties of getting back my driving licence starting from scratch.As my contemporaries said then,’how could I debase myself to be driving round and round barked at by some morons ‘even as l get on with my life and work. I targetted to have the test on the 22nd of July . My path was again in danger of being obstructed by morons who are trying to get more money for the driving school and thus very reluctant to let me have my trail as l had planned. Out of fustration l went back on the weekend so that l can have my test on time.I have to mention that l have to suppress my deepest anger when my father’s son came to my clinic two months prior and wanted to know why his Son-in-law was not given an ‘Ang bow’ that year. I am civil and had given all the packs to my mentally challenged eldest Sister before I left for my holidays. I was a little shock to see that she had not given all away. My interpretation of the act is that she might have hated the new entry that split up a already fragmented family.
- I passed on my first attempt to shock a few of my friends. The support from them and my sisters pulled out my inner strength to succeed and I did! I waited for another month on the same day before I broke my silence and roared. I have been too quiet for too long. The pain cuts deep so l have to ventilate,l don’t bother as l knew that was what I want to say and that’s it,break the pencil thin tie for all its worth. I don’t and have not depended on any one else all of my life. I cannot put the entire blame on my father’s son because a weak Husband will be over ridden by the Wife. I am proud to use my Chinese name on paper and the pen names are punch off lancets etc.
Now
I’m already in the first week of July. I have been contacted for the launch of what I want. My mentally challenged Sister is a living time bomb that can drive me nuts.There can be no compromise on her strict vegetarian diet right down to the utensils to eat and the entire fridge is full of her vegetarian fake prawns,kidneys,duck and fish balls. I don’t have any freedom and it irks me that no one offers to help to share the load of looking after her. I set down once to reason with her as in what/who has benefited from her life long full vegetarian diet and I have also shared this with my patients when they are overly obsessed with being vegetarian. The belief is that sacrifice of a normal diet will bring merits to loved ones. My Sister ‘s situation is that nobody wants her and her load falls on me. I have told her that there will be no wake on her demise because I am sick of dramas. I don’t attend wakes because it is full of hypocrisy and negative vibes. My mom ‘s death and wake was edging on disaster,people could still play Netball for my alma mater. I know that if tears ever roll on the same person’s eye at the foreseeable future,it would not take much for me to move in to reprimand and make every drop accountable.
Pace
Outwardly it may appear that I don’t bother about my job. I am late but I work till beyond my hours. The shuttlers may be down but I am still toiling away. I noticed that some subordinates are getting out of hand and over step the thin line of friends and boss at work. I can only blame myself for being too easy to them.There are still matters to sort out everyday . I am feeling peace and no fear in my life after my recent NDE. I have to mention a puzzling thing which is the change in clinic name and status to PTE LTD of my foe. The possibilities are endless-1)revenue exceeded a amount -this thought is laughable knowing the truth.
2)There are undercurrents among the so called partners. The possibility is high because it is a serious no Friend gather.
3)My cry to the authorities to check on overclaiming as l have heard from patients that they still pay $90+ for medication and treatment even though they are using discount cards from the government. I was surprised by the reply ‘we know ‘. My hunch is that if taken to task for that matter,at least they can keep their assets.But there’s law that allows the assets to be frozen too.God bless,we are doing different kind of medicine and my only complaint is that can they see and treat theirs well so that it would not flow to me and mess up my sessions.
