Lessons in life from mum

A timely write-up with Mother’s Day approaching this weekend.All the lavish lunches/dinner to Honour our mum is a celebration of their selfless devotion to the family and taking care of us children .

How to describe my mummy dearest ?I am the youngest chip of the block and very attached/close to her.From old photos in my maternal Uncle ‘s house she looked petite with the traditional bun-up hair.My aunties,her sisters swears that she was an attractive lady in her youth,fervently pursued by many suitors.Alas,marrying my father was the biggest mistake and regret in her life.Personally,l feel that besides the physical;she exudes resourcefulness warmth,strength,courage and is an intelligent women.l inherited her brain,the fingers ;toes and temperament .Look wise-l am no where near her .Though a large part of her life was difficult,she was able to look to the brighter side of things and has a cheerful disposition and a kind heart.I am her pride and glory which is why till today l still put my stance down on matters that undermine her and my sisters.

In my country,where every old citizens were called Pioneers in Nation Building,l think she deserve a pat on her back for crafting a balanced,rounded doctor in me with a trail of academic and other achievements still left unchallenged.I am proud to add that all these flying Colours came from studying in the kitchen of a broken pre-war shophouse ,on a big round faded pink Formica dinning table and wooden chair with a low hanging 2 feet fluorescent lamp.This was where l studied from kindergarten to final year medical school.What is unknown even to my sisters is that l had been living in constant fear since l knew things that my mum,my pillar of strength and support will pass on anytime because l know she was already quite old when l started schooling.I have to mention this because the younger generation with young parents ,proper housing,computer and desk all fell flat.

Humility

My father can be called anything from’jack of all trade’,architect and contractor.He is extremely boastful of his abilities naming rows of terrace houses he had built in King’s road to memorial arches.One thing however is,he always run into cash flow issues and my mum had to borrow from her aunt to finance the projects to completion & then repay the sum borrowed.l can sense the tense air and dislike other distant Cousins have for me but seeing how my mum can swallow her pride,l just shrug off these hateful eyes that speaks of despise looking at me.Although l TOP my school a number of times,we lie low till the big exams like Os ,As and University before the rat was out of the bag.By then,l look down on those who try to befriend us.Suddenly so many want a piece of me,to be a part of my life.My aunties were suddenly inviting and one even wants to be my god mother.I scoff at all these hypocrisy but maintain my normal civility towards them,however my disgust was just starting to built up.

Patience

As l had mentioned the conditions under which l surge for the grades.My mum kept me company all the way,a pat to remind me to sleep at 3am.Getting up at 5am to make coffee for me as l wake up to study again.The thirst to get out of that living hell was unquencable when you see that’s the only way out for me.Its always comforting to come home to a warm hug that everything would be fine and not to put pressure on myself.I cried during my O levels practical exam because everything just did not happen.Giving an entire zero to the paper,l sat down to calculate what l have to secure for the next two written papers to get a distinction and l did.It has become my prerogative now to patiently work out what has to be done when things happen rather than scream why!In life there can be no reasons at all when it rains or pours.

Self reliance

I followed mum around since young.lt ranges from daily marketing ,buying a game of lottery and even the pawnshop when times are difficult and we need some cash to live.l learn quietly that one must tap into your own resources lst and not to expect help to fall on you because society is cruel.School holidays were a joy when my mum would try to teach me some of her favourite dishes and on the way share her thoughts on life with me.She has never complain about poverty,her positive outlook is such that well someday l will make it and all these would be over.On my part l learn that l can only count on me to ride out whatever storms in my life.

Tolerance

To date l have not seen mum scolding anyone.l am not her Favourite Son but to me it does not matter.My father’s Son married a colleague of my Sister .As it is we were not rich.To pay for the wedding,and gifts of gold my mum and eldest Sister slogged through the weekends sewing clothes ,joining the game of “toutine “which goes by something of a cash advance to pay for the expenses-everything .Relations were never easy with my father’s son’s Wife being ultra-sensitive and cries at minor brushes.My mum is always silent.Her mantra being she did not give birth to her so maintaining a cordial state is best for all because like me,we dislike Dramas.On this Mother’s Day I hope when she look at the bangles,however cheap and old now,spend a moment to think what they had to go through to give her that.I doubt if she even bothers.For me tolerance extends to my workplace.From day one when l started my own practice,l treated my fellow colleagues like friends,sisters with lots of trust and freedom to go about their work scope.I do not count work hours to be fulfilled to be paid nor how they register and dispense medicine .I dislike dramas and want my work place to be a happy place to go to.I am busy as l have lots to attend to but my tolerance does not equal weakness.I do not feel the need to proof anything .

Responsibility and duty

It irks me to pen this because l cannot fathom how selfish a person can get so as to push the care of a terribly fretful lst born infant to my mum to take care during my A level examination.A mirror has two faces so it’s a known fact that l have to study for my A levels exams too like her own brother.I have never seen such a horrible cry baby,and the insult is she was named by her Neighbour,don’t bother to ask for suggestions then .The Chinese characters means to please man!!!That distraction as l have to help out,almost cost my place in medical school.For my mum,it’s her duty to share in the care of the grandchilds and its like a kind of responsibility.She have no complaints yet the fretful kid live on to cause more damage.My college mates always say that l will breeze through any examination and as it is l did it again.I related in less than 5 mins the unfavourable situations l had to put up with while studying for my As during my interview for medical school and l got right in.Karmic forces at work.

Be happy

Throughout my difficult early years of life to my final graduation from Medical school.My mum taught me to appreciate the simple things in life to keep yourself happy.It could be as easy as a quick meal at steamboat buffet,ordering pizzas trying out Japanese food/ramen.By then she was already in her seventies.She was hiding a big bomb till after my swearing in as a medical officer.Her strength and way of putting up a happy disposition for the sake of me touched me completely.I learn this from her and maintain a cordial,civil front for at least two years before airing my grievances .

Calm and peace

It was a traumatic morning when my mum showed me what she had been hiding for months-breast cancer.I remember vividly breaking down in tears on seeing it and woke up my sisters to discuss as to what to do next.My work day in the hospital was a total blur.l have good colleagues and classmates who came forward to help me with my work.They also list out who should handle the condition and knock it into my head that if l do not approach these people who are the best in handling my mums condition l am not doing her justice.Throughout my mum was at peace and had come to terms with her terminal condition .We decided that we will share the expenses and take turns to bring her for her treatment.I have to mention this imprint in my mind from my father’s Son “Bu ,if Medisave can be used for her treatment then l am willing to contribute,if not let mum go”!I learnt to be calm in the face of adversity like this.I reserved my opinions to myself but l persevered on to give my mum the best treatment.In her last year the cost per week hits $6800.I was getting poorer and poorer by the day.To make more money l had to work extra hours in others’practice to pay the bills.It takes up all the evenings and weekends.

Strength

The illness took its toil on me,mum and my sisters.That final goodbye was traumatic because she stopped breathing on the way to the hospital in my car,l had to beat the red light to maximise her chances of being resuscitated.That resulted in a 11 vehicle accident and fracture of my left middle finger.It was so surreal as my former E room colleagues and l was trying to bring her back.All kinds of thoughts flood my mind-is this really it?

My mums parting affected my sisters and me very badly.Till date we still are not able to sleep naturally.

Duty and care

My mum’s parting left me with a huge burden.Her medical expenses almost make me a bankrupt.Added on to this is the care of my elder Sister who had sadly turned schizophrenic over the years.She personify my Father -stubborn and brainless or lack insight.Sale of the shophouse helped to pay off the owed medical bills of 360k.The remains we bought another living space and money to set up my own practice .I have to say l cannot agree with my elder Sister on many things.But in all her madness and solitude she had her own idea of what she wants-visit /get along with my father’s son.The list goes on…My sense of duty makes me silent on many issues.I want peace at home,but l cannot forget issues l have in my heart.

Afterthoughts

My mum stays in my heart all the while and is my beacon of light when things are bleak.I speak my mind though when things are not in order,otherwise l am a happy man when not in Singapore-holidays abroad.I don’t bother how people might feel about my take on things in this write,l am me.Life is fleeting and l need to be selfish to be good to myself.