Lawrence Amaya
Aug 8, 2017 · 3 min read

Who’s in control?

PART I

Kula Kunywa

PART I

It is amazing how my body works. The way every part of the body and organ demands attention makes me wonder, how can I submit or attend to all these thoughts, emotions and feelings at a go? Not forgetting that the action that I take doesn’t end up making me dissatisfied, uncomfortable, dis-functional, sick, feeling stupid, irrelevant or generally…..out of control?

Just picture or imagine these;

My stomach is crumbling with hunger pangs, before something gets into it, my mouth wants to crush it and enjoy all the taste and flavors first- the nose wants to be pleased by the smell whether I prepared the meal or bought it ready.

Even before my stomach starts filling up, my eyes have already had their moment of judgement as my thirst now demands something to drain whatever it is I call food. The most logical drink I would take would be water but my habits can not prevent my desire to take a beer or as some would down food with a glass of their favorite juice or a glass of wine, shot of whisky or whatever works for each individual-

My penis is in need of its own satisfucktion, yet my girlfriend is away or doesn’t feel like it or she’s mad at me for turning out to be the man she didn’t think or imagine I was or would be. I’m all to blame for God’s sake. At the same time my back is itching and hurting, it demands my hand to scratch and extra hands to massage yet they are all busy to care about my pain and discomfort.

My legs are tired and sore of standing the whole night bar-tending and when I get a chance to sit, my mind can’t give me a moment to relax, I have to think about what, why, how, when or who would rescue me from my miseries? As If that is not enough, I have now turned my Smartphone on to check what’s going on, numerous texts, emails and notifications of the world scrambling for my attention, time and other unreasonable favors that I don’t have a clue of how I can attend to satisfy the intended desires.

Before I switch, my mind is onto something else, hey Lawrence, you haven’t given your Mom a call in a while? I think about how different life could have been then I start blaming my Dad for being poor. If he would have been different, I could be better of. But come on Lawrence, even so, I see these kids with rich Dads and Moms struggle with stuff that are just no issue to me! How about my brothers and sisters? My amazing friends who have been tolerant of my difficult self? Thank you for sticking around.

I live in a magical country and my incredible city Nairobi. I haven’t got everything that I desire from the life that keeps on diminishing every single second. Most of the stuff that I have seen and would kill to have are with the people in my city. I’m still in my twenties and you would guess that I’m not married so I easily get confused by beautiful girls. No excuses, I just can’t make a choice. It’s hard to settle down with all the anxiety and uncertainty in my world. I feel so excited about every new relationship, job, endeavor and adventure but I loose interest in the goal whenever I realize dents that I can’t fix in the process.

I’m working on a life that I don’t know what it will turn out to be. I’ll keep on against all odds till I get there. READ MORE

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filling up the blank space #Rittenthoughts

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