Torn family

Layl
Layl
Aug 31, 2018 · 4 min read

I woke up at five. I am not a morning person but my mom was screaming. I wonder for what reason this time. I told her to go see a doctor but she’s convinced she’s okay. Is crying the entire day and slapping yourself okay ? I don’t think so. I was in my bed thinking about a way to make her shut the fuck up. I took a look at the calendar on the wall in front of me. Friday the 13th. Yay. To be honest, I don’t care about this day much, everyday is a curse for me. Still, my family cares about it, so much, they lock themselves at home and do not do anything on that day, not even watch T.V. The kids don’t go to school, the grown ups don’t go to work, everyone hides, trying to escape that curse. How stupid. My mom was still crying, louder and louder . I hate when she cries. Why doesn‘t she fucking cry silently ? FUCK IT. She gets on my nerves everytime she does this. She spreads negative vibes and we’re getting sick of it. I AM GETTING SICK OF IT. I got up and headed to her room to tell her to stop. As I stepped inside, I saw my dad hanging. How lucky he was. I wish I had the courage to end my life too. My mom was sitting in the corner of the room crying and screaming : « Why did you leave ? ». Is she serious ? Why did he leave ? Doesn’t she know she’s the reason why the whole family is losing it ? Doesn’t she know that her depression is making us despise her ? Doesn’t she realize she has to go see a doctor ? I guess the answer is no. Mom was still on the ground grieving her husband. And I was still standing there clueless about everything. I never hated my dad but I never cared about him either. But when I when I saw his corpse hanging , I adored him. He did the right thing. It got me thinking to join him. I left my mom crying, I didn’t even say a word then went to the bathroom. It took my father’s razor and started cutting. I wanted to leave too. All of a sudden, I fell in tears. What was I doing to myself ? Why does this house hold too much sadness ? Why is everyone here falling apart ? I threw the razor away. I looked at myself in the mirror. Pale skin, dark circles, sad eyes.

Where did my bright skin and happy smile go ? I showered wishing to purify myself, to wash the sadness away, to start again. Once out of the shower, I called 911. Someone had to take care of my dad because I didn’t want to. As for my mom, she was still in the same place. I never say anything. I always remain calm. I never react. I never usually care at all. But this time, I decided to let out whatever I was holding inside. I decided to talk to mom. I talked a little but said too much. « Still crying hein ? When will this end ? I wish it never will. Because I want you to feel as sad as I felt everytime I wanted to bring friends home and couldn’t because of you. I want you to feel as humiliated as I felt when you threw me on the ground in front of the whole school because I didn’t do my homework. I want you to feel as embarassed as I felt when all the kids laughed at me because you came to pick me up whith your nasty messy hairy , holding a bottle of vodka at 11 a. m. I wish you feel as lonely as I felt when I had my period the first time and I had no one to tell because you were fucking your boyfriend while my dad is out of town. I HATE YOU MOM. One more thing, dad is dead because of you. Now, I am leaving. You’ll never see me again. BYE. » I felt good. I unlocked my father’s safe and took all the money there was in it. I also took his car keys and was ready to leave. As I left the house, the police came in. I mentioned that my mom needed mental health help. I then took the car and hit the road, feeling wild and free. I bearly drove few miles and I heard a deafning sound. I checked the rear-view mirror. My house has blown up.I am pretty sure my mom did that. That place has known too much sorrow. It has to disappear. And I had too . That’s why I started the car again and left willing to start a new life.

Layl

Written by

Layl

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