Why?

I’m always tired. I get enough sleep, I don’t work, I eat right, but I’m always so drained. When I’m sitting in class I am watching the clock ticking to see how much time there is until I have to go to my next one. When I’m at home I do my homework waiting for the sun to set. In bed I play dumb phone games in the dark while listening to some indie pop. I’m not sad, I’m not in a relationship, I have my friends and family. Emotionally, I’m tired, I don’t know what to do and I’m confused- I just don’t know what I’m confused about. Mentally, there’s nothing going on but I don’t want to make any mistakes because I know that my mistakes can hurt me. Physically, everything is weak, my legs are like jelly and I can hear my heart through my head. I am 5'5'’ and 118 pounds. I eat my grains, vegetables, protein, and dairy everyday. Sometimes when I’m sitting in bed all I can think about is what I’m going to do in the next four years and what I’m going to do when those that I love won’t be here anymore. When I’m sitting in bed I also think about the times that I’ve had when I was incredibly happy or hella sad and it just doesn’t feel right. My community, their problems, people with problems that are way worse than me. I have problems too but compared to theirs it just seems like I’m bragging. I’m privileged- I have things that some people can’t think about but I don’t know what these things will do to help me. My knees feel like I’m walking 100 flights of stairs, my back is like a seesaw, it’s like I’m walking on burning coal. I’m exhausted.

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