Justifying to myself, and acknowledging sexual harassment in the workplace.

I feel worried, scared, unsettled, and guilty. A few months ago I came forward to an HR person at the last company I worked, and sent a note about the CTO who, while I worked there, had put his hand on my leg while we were out for post-work drinks when he was visiting our NYC office. I promptly, but gently pushed it away under the table where we were sitting with other colleagues.
I didn’t say anything for months. I thought maybe he was just drunk; people are touchy when they’re drunk.
He has a wife and kids though; being touchy when drunk is highly inappropriate if your a father and husband.
If I tell someone it might ruin his career; but if I don’t, I may be helping perpetuate a culture where humans can touch other humans without consent.
Then I spoke to my friend and old co-worker who the same night was touched way more aggressively than I was, by the same CTO. We both were friendly with the CTO and tried to continually give him the benefit of the doubt. “He’s a nice guy though.” “We don’t want him to get fired because of this.”
Then we spoke to another old (female) co-worker. Hearing her response made me want to cry, as it sounded as though she left the company because she felt so uncomfortable around him. She had voiced concerns before quitting, but felt the issue got worse. This is not OK, we thought.
The first co-worker and I both wrote separate emails to the HR person at the company who said he relayed it to their HR lawyer. At the end of the day, I just wanted something on record in case the CTO did something even more inappropriate as often the victim can be seen as fabricating things, especially if there’s no record of similar behavior. I heard no real response for a few months. Until today.
As I write this, I feel better about the situation. I started out feeling the way I did in the first paragraph because I just learned that he has been having an affair with another (female) employee/old co-worker of mine and it’s all coming to a head. He offered to resign. He didn’t show up at the office today. People are worried about him. I felt bad. Then I reminded myself again that he is a grown man with a wife and multiple children, and I need not feel bad for his behavior impacting his life in the way in which it is currently. I don’t necessarily want this to ruin his career or his marriage. I do hope it makes him realize that his continued behavior in dealing with (female as far as I know) employees, is not professional, nor appropriate. His behavior will most likely hurt many of those around him and cause stress on other colleagues within the organization. As a CTO, as a leader and esteemed person in the organization, it’s inappropriate x-10.
That’s all. Thanks Medium for helping me compartmentalize this. #bye
