Global village for passionate love?

The valentines day celebration gives ample opportunity to reflect on love. What is love? How do you find it? What is the trademark of true love? Is romance at odds with desire? What about the different kinds of love you get from your family, friends, community?

There is a great TED talk from the impressive Esther Perel, that i highly recommend watching.

http://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship.html

She says that sustaining desire is the reconciliation of 2 fundamental human needs:

1) security, safety, predictability, dependability, permanence — home

2) adventure, novelty, risk, mystery, danger, surprise, journey, travel

And she says that today we are trying to reconcile these two needs into one relationship — “the passionate marriage”.

We are now expecting one person to be what a whole village used to provide. Belonging and transcendence. Predictability and surprise. Novelty and familiarity. Best friend, trusted confidante and passionate lover. AND we live twice as long.

So maybe, for complete fulfilment, it is time to tap into that (global) village of ours. Embrace the broader concept of love. Love to our near and far family. Friends. Community. The planet. Fellow human beings. Be curious. Have generosity of spirit. Help when you can.

We are all interdependent and can learn and gain so much from each other. Fulfil each other in ways we did not even know we craved. And come back better partners, friends, parents, children, colleagues for it. Take the burden of each other and be each others wind instead.

But also, it got me thinking what love is not. As a child i always thought the opposite of love was hate. Later it became clearer to be that the two are very related. So I thought the opposite must be indifference.

My favourite line to exemplify this was from Ayn Rands “The Fountainhead” when Toohey asks Roark:

“Mr. Roark, we’re alone here. Why don’t you tell me what you think of me? In any words you wish. No one will hear us.”

“But I don’t think of you.”

Auch, right?

However, now I am starting to think that the opposite of love is fear.

With fear, there is no trust, no tolerance, no letting be and being, no basis for fruitful relationships or markets. Rather than curiosity and a positive view on how we can enrich each other, it creates protectionism, xenophobia, bigotry. Or as Swami Anand said “fear is the single biggest obstacle to human progress”.

So why not embrace the unknown, explore the global village?

Lose ourselves fully to find the excitement and safety.

To ignite that passionate love.

What do you think? What is love and what is the opposite of love?