What am I?
“I” is the name that I give to the portion of Truth that I sense and cognize myself to be. The portion of truth that I sense and cognize myself to be is a unified “being” that I call myself, but it is made up of many beings (my organs, cells, microbes, and all of the particles that I am built from).
I sense and cognize that the “truth” is the whole of all being, it is distinct from the sensation and cognition that I have of myself:
I am not the whole of all being.
I am a small portion of being that experiences a small portion of truth through sensations. (This is distinct from Descartes “I think therefore I am” — I make no claim about my existence. A “being” in my philosophy is defined as a thing that “appears to exist.” (I will discuss existentialism a bit later on in this post). A more accurate summary of what I’ve said is this: I sense and cognize that I am a portion of truth.)
Beyond Me
There are parts of truth that are beyond the reach of my sensory apparatuses. For instance, I can look off into the distance and see that there is a great deal of information beyond what is right in front of me. I can travel to the farthest mountain top in the distance and see that there is more and more beyond the furthest mountain top that I could not see before. I can look into a microscope and see that there is a whole different world from that perspective that includes details that I have no awareness of without the aid of the microscope. Space telescopes show me that there is even more truth out in space well beyond our tiny speck of a planet — the planet that contains nearly everything that every generation of humanity has ever experienced and discovered. The tiny speck that still captivates every one of us who has ever felt captivated and still leads us to new experiences and discoveries.
I also recognize that I do not have the ability to sense what something or someone else is feeling or cognizing. If I pick up a rock and throw it, I do not feel the sensation that I imagine a rock would feel flying through the air. If I touch another person’s hand, I feel my own sensations of what their hand feels like on my skin. I do not feel from their perspective what my hand feels like on their skin.
I sense and cognize that there is much more to truth than my sensory apparatuses have the range to sense.
I experience my own sensations and cognitions and no one else’s. I sense and cognize that there are multitudes of other beings that feel their own sensations, but I do not experience what they experience as they experience it. I sense and cognize only what I sense and cognize.
The Fuzzy Distinction of “I”
It’s hard to define where I end and the rest of truth begins. “I” sense and cognize that I am a small part of the whole of truth. But, my sensations and cognitions are based only upon the bits of truth that I am equipped to receive through my sensory apparatuses. Some being medium within truth like the calcium I get from food that forms my skeleton are absorbed into me and kept for my “lifetime” (and beyond what I perceive to be my “lifetime” until my bones break down and the calcium becomes something else). Other being medium, like amino acids (proteins) are absorbed, become essential parts of me temporarily, are disposed of when they no longer serve me, and become replaced by fresh new proteins constantly throughout my “lifetime.”
I feel like some parts of myself are vital to the “me” I sense and cognize myself to be. The sensation and cognition that I have a lifetime that differs from the length of time that my bones stay intact leads me to cognize that “I” am not just the structure of my bones. The sensation and cognition that I have a lifetime that differs from that of any particular cell or tissue that is replaced in my body over my lifetime leads me to cognize that I am not just those cells or tissues, so what part of my body am I exactly?
What Part of My Body Am “I”?
Am I somewhere in the structure of my brain? When I experience changes to my brain I sense and cognize changes in myself. Other parts of me seem less vital to me such as my fingers and arms and legs, because while I consider them parts of myself, and I feel pain and loss from losing my arms, fingers or legs - the loss does not cause me to lose the memories, tastes, and mannerisms that contribute heavily to my sense and cognition of myself.
However, it is the sensation of having any sensation and cognition at all that results in the sensation and cognition of the “I” I sense and cognize myself to be. Even the loss of my memories, tastes and mannerisms would not necessarily result in the end of what I consider to be my lifetime.
I could still live without my memories, tastes, and mannerisms. So long as I survive with sensations and cognitions about my sense of self, I will still feel like an “I” to me. So long as electrical signals flow through the parts of my brain that feel sensations and make cognitions about my sense of self, I will still consider myself to “be.”
From the outside perspective of others who knew me before I lost my memories, tastes, and mannerisms, I would appear different. But if I could not remember what I was like before, I wouldn’t notice that I was ever something else. I would just be me. What would I consider to be the beginning of my lifetime then? Would it start with the earliest sensations and cognitions that I can remember? Would I then feel like that person that I was before my memories (who others remember but of whom I have no memory), is not me? Would I be wrong?
This the fuzzy area I am talking about. The definition of “me” might depend upon the perspective. There is the “me that is sensing and cognizing now” and the me that I was before I could remember. I have their body and genetics and scars, but my sensations and cognitions start with the first sensations and cognition that I can remember, and I have no memories of that previous person. So, in some ways I am that person, and in some ways I am not. Something to wonder about for another day.
Support Organs and Systems
Of course, there are a lot of other organs and systems that are essential to maintaining those parts of my brain that sense and make cognitions about my sense of self. Those organs and systems (or if they become damaged, some replacement of them that functions well enough to keep those parts of my brain functioning) are also essential to the “I” that I sense and cognize myself to be. The parts of my brain that sense and cognize cannot live without oxygen, water, electrolytes, lipids… and protection from the elements that are provided by my skin and bones, there are a lot of parts of my body that I use to collect the things that I eat, drink, and breath, and convert the things I eat, drink, and breath into things that can be used to maintain my brain, and there are a lot of little parts in my body maintaining my brain and all of those other organs. They are all vital to my continued sensation and cognition. Because I cannot live without those other essential parts, and damage to them often causes me pain and distress, I also sense and cognize that those other essential parts are me also.
A Theory
Is the “I” I sense and cognize myself to be a figment of my cognition/imagination developed by my body?
My body is a physical being made up of beings — cells and molecules. Each cell is designed by the DNA in the nucleus of my cells that have a nucleus. My RNA uses the DNA to produce specialized proteins. Proteins are molecules that do most of the work in my body. My DNA and RNA were passed down to me from both of my parents. From my mother, I received mitochondria, another essential part of each of my cells that has distinct DNA that is different from that of my cell nucleus. I also received from my mother a microbiome of bacteria to break food down in my digestive tract.
My microbiome is essential to my survival, and my body (built from DNA RNA and Mitochondria is also essential to the survival of the microbiome). The microbiome that digests all of my food lives symbiotically with my body. Does the microbiome and other living beings in my body lead me to sense and cognize that I am a collective “something” that is vital and important to myself so that I will protect them, feed them , keep them at a stable temperature, and go out in search of all of the nutrients that they need to survive and live well?
If they are living well and in balance with everything they need, then I also feel well, so “my” relationship with them is symbiotic too — So, if my sensation and cognition of myself is a figment of my imagination developed by my body to support my biome, my body and biome are not just taking advantage of me, they are also giving me the experience of my life -which I value more than just about anything (the exception being my children which is the next generation of the body and biome I’ve passed onto them as their mother).
That is a just a theory to wonder about. Admittedly I do not know what I am.
If it were the case that I serve to protect and preserve and nurture my body and biome, what are the living beings in my body and biome to themselves? Do they sense and cognize themselves to be an “I” with their own motives and needs? And if so, do the organelles inside them give them that sensation and cognition? What about the organelles, are they an “I” to themselves, do the molecules (like the DNA and RNA inside each of them and inside all of me) give them that sensations and cognition? What about the atoms that make them up? Do they have some kind of motive? Does my existence come down to building a structure within the whole of all being that equalizes out charges of electrons and protons?
I Digress — again that’s just a theory, fun to wonder about, not to be taken seriously…
Anyway, there is this fuzziness. I don’t know exactly what “I am” or how the “I” that I sense and cognize myself to be is actually represented in truth (being medium). I just don’t know, and it doesn’t seem like I can know. It seems like an important question to answer because if I don’t know what I am, how do I know that I am? And that seems like an important question too! If I “am not,” it seems like that should impact my choices and behavior in some way.
Existentialism and “Me”
Whether or not “I am” I do experience what I define as sensations and cognitions, and if I don’t listen and try to make sense of them, I experience, (what I sense and cognize to be) suffering and eventually death.
Death appears to be a permanent end of experience. I am compelled through my sensations, and cognitions to avoid suffering and death.
Death often comes with a lot of suffering, death is also mysterious, and it may very well mean saying goodbye to everything I’m aware of — all of the memories I’ve developed, all of my relationships, all experiences past present and future- just everything. Death might mean no experiences at all forever. Suffering and death appear to me to be categorized in the bucket of “thing to be avoided.”
Whether I am a single unified being, or a multitude of synapses firing willy-nilly, or a figment of my imagination, or whether every part of me has been replaced overtime, or if I’ve lost all my memories:
Sensation and cognition are not things that I can passively deny.
My sensations and cognitions compel me to act to preserve my well being whether I am a real thing in the most real sense, or a brain in a vat, or a figment of an imaginary thinker’s imagination or some other class of “non thing” that isn’t even imaginable to me (I’m trying to think of what the least real thing with sensations would be… it is kind of fun) Even if I am the least real thing imaginable, I still have sensations, and cognitions that are very compelling to me and they compel me to do or avoid things. I cannot ignore my senses, and cognitions without consequence.
I want to know what I am. I also want to know if I am a real thing, but not knowing doesn’t change anything about whether or not I experience sensations and cognitions. Sensations and cognitions continue no matter what I am, and whether or not I am, and they dictate how I live my life regardless of the answers to those questions. So, the answers to those questions are not as vital as it seems like they should be.