A Case For Love….

Leah Cone
Leah Cone
Nov 5 · 3 min read

Relationship dynamics and psychology absolutely fascinate and frustrate me in equal measure. In addition to our individual embodiment of Attachment Theory and our preferred exchange of Love Languages, the list above lays out several clear actions and gestures of love that we all need and deserve 💗 Simple, right? Unfortunately, not so much.

While this is all a nice sentiment, I have to say it’s such a shame that a list like this even needs to exist — that not everyone inherently knows these basic tenets of being a good, caring person. The truth is that it’s the pervasive selfishness, ignorance, and apathy in not knowing these things that make the experiences of being in a relationship so much more difficult, trying and fraught than they need to be. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Like, why? Why is something so easy and truly mutually beneficial so hard for so many people?? We are meant to love each other. Relationships are supposed to be one of the best things about being alive, so why do so many people withhold love and affection? It doesn’t make sense to me AT ALL. Love is free and benefits the giver just as much, if not more than the receiver. We should sprinkle it everywhere! It is a lack of love that creates problems in the first place and it is love, giving and receiving it, that is the only way to heal oneself and others. Why do so many people not know this?? Although this is not an exclusively female or “marital” issue, the phrase “happy wife, happy life” comes to mind.

Like everything in life, you get out what you put in, so your experience is entirely up to you. As such, assholes shouldn’t be surprised when another person walks away from their neglect. And on the other side, lovers shouldn’t waste their time or energy on those who won’t make an effort. Move on and find someone who gets this without having to be told because time is precious and, unfortunately, most people are stubborn, unaware and simply do not change. Building and maintaining love isn’t without work, but it takes two and is definitely supposed to be more enjoyable and beneficial than not. Who has the time or bandwidth to put up with willful shortcomings and/or one-sided relationships? It’s exhausting and completely unnecessary.

So while it’s rarely easy to give up on someone you care about, have invested in and/or saw potential with, leaving a dead-end situation is always an act of self-love and self-preservation. Protect your magic. Save yourself the heartache and grief and let them go deal with the fallout of being themselves. Rest assured that their insensitivity, disregard, and bad behavior, which are ultimately based on insecurity and fear, are not reserved only for you. They have to live with themselves, but the good news is, you don’t!

Yes, we can and should love and help others, but the truth is that evolution is an inside job that has to start with the individual. A person’s actions and choices say everything about who they are, so you really shouldn’t take it personally. You can’t control others, but you can control your reaction — therefore it’s not your problem if you don’t make it yours. As Maya Angelou says, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

The quicker you walk away from what’s not meant for you, the faster you will find what is! Or at the very least, in the meantime, it’s better to be “single” with space in your life for someone more compassionate and conscious than with someone who doesn’t treasure you or make your relationship and happiness a priority. #nope

You can’t get blood from a stone and people either get it or they don’t. Life is way too short so, ultimately, it’s your choice how and on whom you spend your time. Choose wisely‼️

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If you want to read more about my theories as to why modern romance is so challenging and why there is such a divide between the sexes, read my article exploring these issues here. Enjoy!

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