What’s it really like being Biracial in Northern Ireland?
Please note these are just my thoughts and experiences growing up in Northern Ireland, they don’t reflect all perspectives.
I remember the first time I realised that I was different, I was just 5 years old when my family moved to Northern Ireland from Saudi Arabia. I was attending primary school in Belfast. My class were all asked to paint a self-portrait, I remember noticing the whole class was using the same colour of paint for their face and skin, the teacher helped to mix the paint to a different colour for just me. Being mixed race in Northern Ireland has not always been easy, it is something I have felt I couldn’t honestly talk about for fear people won’t understand. The isle of Ireland is predominantly white with Northern Ireland claiming one of the smallest ethnic minority populations within the European Union. The 2011 Census reported 98.28% of Northern Ireland to be white. Due to these extreme minority figures, I guess it’s understandable that I’ve always felt the odd one out.
On the most part, I haven’t experienced a huge amount of racism in Northern Ireland and I often wonder if it’s because of the country’s history. I’m referring to the history of religious conflict between Catholics and Protestants. Sectarianism has been embedded in Northern Ireland’s history and it’s more prominent that there’s discrimination or religious bigotry rather than race. Perhaps there isn’t enough of an ethnic minority here for people to be racist toward or feel “threatened” by? Although religion takes centre stage of prejudice in Northern Ireland, I’ve still experienced certain encounters and subtle forms of racism that other people may look past Don’t get me wrong, I’ve come out relatively unscathed, but I can recall a more than a few situations growing up.
There was that time my family had just moved to Belfast, a relative took me to the play park as a child about the age of 5, a group of youths put a firework under my swing, my mother recalls the police referring to it as a racial incident. I vividly remember the last time we attended the 12th of July with my family in Belfast, people in the crowd began hurling racial abuse at us. As a family, we felt threatened and I remember feeling embarrassed and angry. There have been several situations where people have said “why don’t you go back where you came from”, I’ve been referred to as a monkey, nicknamed Didier Drogba and even been called a Nigger on numerous occasions. As an adolescent I was feeling like an outsider, you simply just want to fit in, and I’d often let certain comments slide. A lot of these incidents would happen in situations when it was what others would perceive as “banter”, so I would laugh and go along with the joke, deep down finding it insulting or insensitive. A part of getting older is learning to care a lot less about what others think, grow a backbone, and stand up for yourself despite the awkwardness. Those who know me would say that I can be outspoken, and I would never in a million years tolerate being spoken to like that in the present day.
I felt like I have struggled with my identity especially as a teenager, like most adolescents you just want to fit in with your peers and that can be hard when you quite obviously stand out. One aspect I struggled with was my hair — I have tight ringlet curls that can appear frizzy without the right products. I have gone through trials and tribulations with my hair, previously hating it, just wishing it were straight, glossy and soft like Caucasian hair because that’s what was “normal”. As a teenager, I used to straighten my hair every day until it became so damaged it began breaking due to the heat of straightening irons. I used a chemical relaxer to permanently straighten my hair, I can still remember that distinctive smell of the chemicals and the burning sensation of the product on my scalp. It’s hard to forget spending hours and hours getting your hair braided and it being weaved so tightly your scalp would become so inflamed you couldn’t sleep. I can’t even begin to imagine the amount I’ve spent buying specialist products, purchasing hundreds of pounds of hair each time for weave and extensions. Definitely more than the average woman. And for what? Just to fit in and be like everyone else? It is only recently that I’ve begun embracing my natural hair, wearing it curly in public, to work and in other social settings. Also, while we are on the topic of natural hair, it is not okay to touch someone’s hair because you are curious about what Afro hair feels like or because you think its “cool”. It is invasive, our hair isn’t abnormal because it’s not Caucasian and it’s not here to serve your curiosity like we are circus freaks. You might ask would this ever cause any offence? Well it can be explained in better detail by visiting one of the links below, educate yourself, you might find it interesting! 😊 I plan to talk about my hair journey in future through blogging, but if you are still curious to find out why it’s a “thing” now check out some of the links below:
Ted Talks : Don’t Touch My Hair
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLQzz75yE5A
Documentary: Good Hair: by Chris Rock
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m-4qxz08So
Song : “Don’t Touch My Hair” by Solange Knowles
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTtrnDbOQAU
We live in a culture that doesn’t embrace being different, where the beauty standards tell you that the lighter your skin is or the straighter and more European looking your hair is, the more beautiful you are considered. I would notice It in children’s toys, how there was rarely a selection of dolls with darker skin and curly hair, and as I grew older, I would notice it on tv and in magazines. It is understandable to feel this way when you don’t see yourself represented.
When I went to university it was an amazing experience in that I finally felt less like the black sheep. It widened my eyes and I was introduced to more people of colour and different ethnicities, becoming friends with them. I finally felt I was represented in a community I belonged to. Even though the North East of England is not considered the most diverse area in the UK, it was certainly a significant difference to Belfast where I was the only person of colour in my whole school. When I started dating as a young adult, I discovered a whole new angle to being different. Often when I would meet parents for the first-time l would notice the look on their faces when I show up, and get that sinking feeling I’m not what they imagined or expected. I’ve never experienced any verbal unpleasantness but it’s more the impression that exudes off them, that I didn’t fit the stereotype they imagined their son to be with, which isn’t a great feeling. I can’t help but express how I feel sorry for Megan Markle, as I do feel there are obvious but also subtle undertones of racism there, in that the British public hold her to a higher standard than if Prince Harry had married a white English rose like Kate. And if you don’t get it, I fear you never truly will understand the world we live in until you’ve seen the world through the eyes of a racial minority.
I always HATE filling out any form which tries to make me tick what racial box society needs to put me into. Most of the time I choose other or refuse to fill it in, because there is no box that reflects half African American and half Northern Irish. In protest , the majority of the time I choose “other” or I refuse to fill it in. It’s frustrating as I am equal parts of each, but people don’t choose to see me as half white, from my experience I’m either considered black or light-skinned black. For many biracial people struggling with identity and how to define themselves, it is important to acknowledge both parts of your heritage equally.
I think I began to understand the role of stereotypes and other people’s perceptions at the age of 8 when I told my mother that I wished we were either all white or all black as a family. A vexing part of being biracial is other people trying to identify you. One thing I will note louder for those in the back, are the curiosity questions like: what are you? What are your parents? Where are you from? Which of your parents is white? Do you choose one side over the other? Most of the time these are not meant offensively — but they are invasive. Just like any other personal details of someone’s family, feelings, or upbringing, this can make us feel uncomfortable. I’ll tell you what I am, I’m human so maybe have a think before asking such questions, especially to people you don’t know well. I used to be polite and entertain these sort of questions but I’ve grown tired of it, now I’ll play dumb and say things like “I’m from Belfast I grew up here, I don’t know what you mean” or ask something just as invasive right back.
As a half African American, I have some knowledge of the culture, going out of my way to learn about it and take an active interest in issues that effect African Americans. I can often find it challenging to embrace my white side knowing how much racism occurs. I see myself as mixed equally and I stress the importance of embracing both sides, but I sometimes feel that I can identify more as a black woman than a white, but I wonder if that is because society has told me that is the group I belong to? I remember last summer I visited Virginia with my family, I was out at a bar with my cousins in the Virginia Beach area when a guy shouted at me “you, where you from?” to which I responded “I’m from Northern Ireland” and he shouted back, “ you aren’t Irish you are Black”.
Historically, the Western world has constructed the narrative that darker implies lesser: poorer, less civilized, less intelligent, less beautiful, more prone to “deviant” sexuality and aggression. This is ironic as I feel the Western world often take the best parts of black culture and profit from it, “cultural appropriation”.
I often contemplate why I sympathise with one slide more and it’s largely due to the simple fact that people of colour in society draw the short straw, I empathise with the struggle. In the words of Dave, I whole heartily agree “black is beautiful “and I struggle with the idea that women of colour are perceived as less than in any way. Some may say it’s a blessing being light-skinned, and I may have it easier than darker-skinned women. I can tell you that being mixed race it isn’t always a blessing.
Often there can be a feeling among mixed race people that you’re not light enough to be perceived as white and not dark enough to be accepted as black, there can also be racism within both communities. This can create resentment towards biracial people within a community they feel like they belong to. That confusing feeling of being the outsider, questioning your identity and where you fit in can creep up on you once again.
Don’t get me wrong, being biracial can be positive too. I find that being different I am often more memorable, standing out sometimes works in my favour. Maybe I should take it as a complement that some people are intrigued by how I can relate to both my cultures. It is that polar opposite experience where I appreciate both sides within me. I do feel lucky in a sense to grow up in Northern Ireland even though I felt like the odd one out, I sense I have had a sweet escape from a childhood in America because of the racism engrained deep into their society that I would have no doubt been subject to. However, just because the racism is not as obvious a problem in Northern Ireland doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist at all. If you look closer into the cracks you see many forms of subtle prejudice which needs to be addressed at and monitored more vigorously. Not just for biracial people like myself, but all ethnic minorities. Different cultures, backgrounds and identities need to be something that are embraced and not something we should feel ashamed of. I am grateful to see the world through the lenses of two races, two cultures and two countries. I should have always grown up feeling proud of that.
I have been on a journey accepting who I am and that I am unique, I still have some growing to but I’ve come along way. As long as race continues to be a hot topic in our culture, biracial and multiracial people will continue to be a source of curiosity and fascination. People may tell me it’s the best of both worlds, I’ll be honest I have found myself contemplating, is it really?
