“The Explanation regarding Successful Careers Vs. Relationship” by IAM GROUP LTD. JAPAN
There are plenty of careers in middle management. In my field it is hard to find anyone who hasn’t had a divorce. I was blinded by the income partly because I could provide very well for the woman that I loved and with whom I was sharing my life. In the end I lost the only reason I went through all that hurdles. However, now that I am divorced and alone there is no real reason to stop. I do have a very nice career and a very comfortable existence. I paid far too much for it but I did pay for it and it’s mine along with all the toys and comforts I coveted and worked so hard for.
There is a lot of “I” in the above paragraph. The word “love” only shows up once. I realized far far too late how self-centered I was (am). I worked far too hard and neglected my relationships because I liked to feel that I was providing for my wife. It made me feel good even after my wife had more than enough and only wanted to be with the man she still loved. I started to succeed. I started to become respected in my field. That made me so very proud. I was respected. I was validated. I had worth. I had the sort of income I longed for when I was poor and hungry. I could buy myself toys and other luxuries. I could take my wife out to my favorite restaurants. I could buy a car for each of us so I didn’t have to drive her everywhere. She could drive herself… alone.
She started to get unhappy. The man that she loved so very much started spending more and more time away. Did he still love her? Yes, they had been literally hungry and lived week to week wondering if they would make the next one but that was long ago. They had enough. They could finally be secured, safe and happy… but they weren’t. He was never around. Because he was gone so long and his hours were so demanding he insisted that she not work and have a career because it would be inconvenient for him to. Besides, she couldn’t make nearly enough for it to be worth the hassle. She had to sit around alone with no job of her own being handed an allowance like a child from someone who clearly didn’t love her anymore.
I was doing great. I missed my wife but all of what I was doing was “for us”. She didn’t even have to work. Working in middle management is a struggle. I felt so good that I was so successful that she didn’t have to. But she wasn’t happy. It made no sense to me as I was happy. I had nice toys, the latest and greatest laptop, top of the line smartphone, a nice car.
The rest of the story is too painful for me to write. The cycle continued with each of us resenting the other more and more until everything that really mattered was gone.
She is now on her own with a substantially lower income since she never had the chance to develop any marketable skills. As for me, I still have my oh so precious career. I now hate it. I hate it for the instrument of destruction it became but I don’t blame it. I know who to blame.
I am disgusted with myself and the career that I paid far too much for. I would happily quit. The toys and comforts mean nothing. The wine tastes like ash and the fillet might as well be a just pure tasteless rubbish so I stopped indulging myself. I eat rice and beans because it reminds myself of a much happier time when I had someone that l loved and loved me back and had hope for better days.
Still I go on. I wake up every day, square my shoulders, and go do a job that I hate almost as much as I hate myself. But now, finally, I don’t do it for me. Now I actually do it for her.
She went back to college. She has an impressive degree and career plan. She loves it. She is so happy, actually happy. She made chancellor’s list. She has a job. It isn’t highly paid but she is doing well there and is valued and respected. She is doing so well and I am so proud of her and what she is accomplishing.
She is able to focus on the future because I am helping her with the present. I keep the wolf at her door fat and lazy. I keep at it because the woman who I abandoned and who I will love until the day that I die needs me.
In a few short years she won’t and I can finally rest.
There are things you shouldn’t give care about and there are things to which you should give every single attention you have.
Pursue your future. Follow your dreams. Become whatever you want to become.
IAM Group Limited Yokohama, Japan had my career in middle management in check. I just followed downloaded their free self-help tips in taking advantage of my existing pool of skills and collaborated with their active members who are also in the same filed as I am. It changed everything. IAM Group Ltd Japan has been a very helpful and game changer group for me.