Finding My “Why”.

We were sitting in a Mediterranean-inspired restaurant in a Swedish city. It was our third meeting and the time had come to really get down to the details of how we could work together. With a small notebook in hand, I asked a serious of detailed questions, all of which led to better insight, but also created even more questions.

As the plate of appetizers arrived and I tried not to drip olive oil all over my notes,I looked her in the eye and said, “What do you REALLY want?”

She paused mid-sip of her red wine and seemed a bit taken aback. Such blunt questions weren’t really the norm in reserved Swedish conversations but then again, I was the bold American, so any perceived rudeness on my part was immediately forgiven.

Looking at me she asked, “What do you mean?”

I set my piece of flat bread down and leaned forward. “I can help you with everything we’ve talked about. I can come up with ideas and then help you execute them. What I can’t do, though, is really OWN your business like you do unless I know what it is you really want. I need to know where, in all of your hard work and obvious success through the last 17+ years, you get that thrill, that zing, that reason you can’t stop. You’re at a crossroad and you can take a few different directions. My job is to help guide you toward the best one. If I know what it is you REALLY want, we stand a better chance of making sure you get there.”

She smiled and said, “You know what I really want? Money. I do this because, in the end, it’s all about money for me. I like making money. I NEED to make money. I will do whatever it takes to sell what I need to sell so that I can continue making money.”

To this I took a deep breath, sipped my own glass of wine and said, “Then let’s figure out a way to make you that money.”

As my brain started to whirl with ideas for how best to start increasing her profits, I realized I had missed her next sentence.

“I’m sorry. I was busy thinking. What did you say?”, I asked.

She repeated, “What do YOU really want? Why are YOU trying to start a business in a foreign country?”

Running quickly through a list of replies I knew most people would think were the right ones to say to a potential client, I discarded each of them and decided I had nothing to lose by telling her the truth.

“What do I REALLY want?”, I said. “I want to help people. I can’t NOT help people. When I see a need or a problem, something inside me just HAS to try and fix it. So many people are doing so many great things but sometimes they just need a little bit of help. Money is not a motivator for me. That doesn’t mean I don’t like it or won’t charge you for my time”, I said with a smile, “but it does mean that when we’re talking about my own “why”, what it comes down to for me is helping others.”

Sizing each other up, we both let the silence rest.

The waiter asked if we were ready for our main course and if we’d like another glass of wine. Saying, “yes” to both questions, a comfortable peace spread over me. I realized that regardless of whether my answer was the most “strategic” one to give when hoping to close a deal, what I had discovered for myself was the real reason I was in business.

“So, where do we go from here?”, she asked me. “How can you help me make the money I want to make?”

Turning my notebook toward her, I showed her the bullet points I had quickly scribbled as she was talking to me. “Let’s start with these”, I said. “These are the areas I think we can realize the most impact with the least effort. From there, we can start evaluating the possibilities for trying the next few ideas.”

Wine glasses refilled and plates of spicy goodness in front of us, that night we became partners and friends. And me? I left knowing something I had not realized about myself before. When it came to what I was hoping to accomplish with my company, Ideations, the overriding theme was helping others. Using better ideas to get better results was the way I did it.