Cloney, the Tiniest Puppy
Once upon a time, there was an adorable puppy named Cloney.
Cloney was the tiniest a puppy could be.
He was so tiny that none of the other dogs even knew he was there.
Poor Cloney was all alone and scared.
“Oh! I know how to make a puppy!”, he thought. “Then I’d have a friend!”
So Cloney went to work and started to make a puppy friend.
(It was a little weird)
When he was finished, there, right in front of him…was an adorable puppy like himself!
“I’m Cloney!” said the new puppy.
The original Cloney nodded sagely, setting a bad precedent.
So Cloney and Cloney frolicked.
And they played.
And then Cloney had an idea.
“I could make another puppy to play with too. If we BOTH made puppies to play with, we’d have two more friends!”
Cloney thought this was very clever.
And so they set to work
(It was twice as weird)
“Hi! I’m Cloney!” Said the new friends.
And they played.
After a lot of playing, and more than a lot of weirdness, it started to get crowded.
“Maybe we could work together and be something more than a collection of disorganized puppies?” asked Cloney.
“Nah”, replied Cloneys democratically
Cloney was seriously embarrassed and was never heard from again.
There was a long pause with lots of fidgeting.
“Maybe we can find somewhere new to play!” said Cloney desperately when too many of Cloneys all looked at him at once.
“Oh yes, that sounds much easier” replied Cloneys.
Cloney, who long suffered from social anxiety, was the most relieved puppy ever that day.
So they looked and they looked.
“I see a way!’ said a different Cloney
Indeed, there was a way.
The way was torturous and not all survived
But some brave Cloneys found footholds in new lands
…and from then on, as long as there were dogs or foxes or coyotes or even hyenas; Cloney knew he’d always have friends.
So began the Apuppyacolypse.
This was Eleven Thousand years ago…
Cloney is very real, and he still lives today.
If your dog is very unlucky, the tiniest little puppy could be making their genitals the home of he and his bestest tiny friends.
Think of them as tiny, tiny puppies who know exactly how dogs work. They have every advantage and are very, very good at outsmarting bigger, clumsier dogs.
Cloney is more conventionally known as the ‘Canine Transmissible Venereal Tumor’, or CTVT for short.
This is a scientist’s rendition of what some Cloneys look like
(Don’t look for more pictures, trust me)
Cloney isn’t the only one of his kind. There are at least three more that are found all over the world. One infects Syrian Hamsters, one swims from Clam to Clam, and the third is busy doing a serious number on the more conventionally multiceullar members of the Tasmanian Devil population
Those, of course, are just the ones that are very, very good at jumping from host to host.
For all you know, that cough you have is literally Steve from Accounting.
