How badly do you want it?
Two months ago Kabelo Mabalane annouced on Twitter that he’ll be starting a running club in Sandton. I leaped with excitement, as for weeks before that, I was very unhappy with myself, knowing I had to train but for some reason never getting around to wearing my takkies.
I drove to work for a month with a gym bag in my boot, that gym bag never made it out. Every day, I had one excuse after another, letting myself down. When I saw that tweet, I thought to myself: This is the sign I have been waiting for.

Now, common sense would have been to start jogging or walking ahead of the start date, in order for me to be in a better form than my current overweight, unfit state. However, anxiety whispers in my head grew louder, whispering: “You’re unfit, you’ve gained a lot of weight, you’ve just started a new role with a lot of responsibilities, what will people say, seeing you in the streets with tights… Its too cold outside, its too dark (mornings and evenings). The excuses were always there. What’s worse is that, there’s a gym at work, “You know you’re not comfortable working out in confined spaces… what will people say? You’re so unfit!” Excuses, excuses and bullying myself with all the negative pep-talks.
Time went by and the inevitable happened. Kabelo annouced the date, it was set to 1 September 2018.

I panicked.
Calmed myself down, told myself I had a month to get my act together. At the back of my head I looked at the date, it clashed with our annual pilgrimage for the consecration of the new year. I knew I was not going to attend, for reasons unrelated to this, but I thought I could possibly use it as an excuse to chicken out of the run… Ka shapa ke letsoalo. How is it that I tell God that my desire is to be able to run, run long and run well, however when he creates opportunities for me to do so, I talk myself out of it?
The date was set. If anything, I like to keep my word. I was going to be there, having trained or not.
Weeks passed by, my kit was still in my boot. The date was now close by. Then life happened; My sister needed to borrow my car, after loosing hers in an accident. I looked at the map, prior to this, I never had to travel anywhere outside of my usual work-home route. How was I going to get there? That annoying voice came back and whispered: “Now you really can’t go, you have no transport.” Then another voice said: “If you want to do something, you can find a way or find an excuse.” As cliche as it is, its the truth.
We are now a few days before the-run-day, It had been long since Kabelo annouced the date, so I thought to myself, what if he forgot, or cannot make it due to other commitments that needed his attention? Then, out of nowhere, he tweets a video, reminding us that 1 September 2018 is upon us. 🙆🏽♀️ I commited to this. He will be there, waiting for me and many others who signed up. I hadn’t ran or walked in preparation 😨.
D-day came. My alarm went off. I cringed. Checked the trip on Uber, it said I was 10min away 😒 now, I cannot not make it.

I got ready. On my desk was my Tom-Tom sportswatch, I knew I due for a new strap, but things had deteriorated further than I imagined, mimicking the state of my fitness 😶.
My phone battery was on 1% 🙆🏽♀️ Ai, with the odds all against me, I asked myself: “How badly do you want it?”
I got ready, grabbed my power bank and made my way to the meeting place. The agreed time was 06h30 for 07h00, my ETA was 07h05 😨. Everyone knows, runners are early birds and they’re never late, unless stuck in traffic with all other runners on race day. This wasn’t race day, there was no traffic. So I panicked. Either way, I was going to show up. I imagined getting there and seeing the last set of runners from a distance, knowing I’m not fit enough to catch them even if I was 5 min behind them.
Nevertheless, I arrived. Greeted everyone I found at the Start. The First thing I asked anxiously was: “Did all the runners start already?”, I cringed, Then heard a no, we haven’t started yet. I breathed a sigh of relief. Introduced myself and exclaimed that I had not worn my running shoes since forever 🙈🙊.

😧 Everyone around me was FIT 🙆🏽♀️ sharks, I was in trouble. I shot myself in the foot even further by wearing my FNB Cape Town 12 ONERUN Tshirt 😅 Which told everyone, I had experience, although my weight said the opposite 😣. Every runner knows, you’re only as good as your last run, and I have not run in a while. This Tshirt was from the 2016 Race in Milnerton, Cape Town. That year, I was in my best form as I was preparing to run the Two Oceans 21km Race the following year. Eish! Ke mo mathateng.
After all the intros, we started stretching 😧. Reality hit me, that 5 min of stretching was already a workout for me 😫 🦆ku-bird bird. I whispered to myself: “You are here, you showed up. You can only do better from here.”
In my short interaction with the man, I can tell you, Kabelo is a straight talker. He outright said: “Nutrition is very important, if you are to improve in your running, the mass you carry matters.” Yoh! I was found out.
Now it was time to hit the road. I said I’m starting with the 5km today, to ensure I come back next week 😅. I quickly downloaded my Nike-running app, logged in and hit start. Sharks barely a kilometre into the run, I was already panting. My chest was on fire 😨. I knew I was out of shape, but the reality was worse. I was out of breath. I saw a lady who was running her 1st 5km ever running further and further ahead of me. Yoh it was bad! There was no turning back now. A few minutes later, Kabelo came with a car, asked if I was ok, I replied Yes. He then said to me: Run two telephone lines and walk one.
😒😒😒😒 I was out of breath. I then remembered he was once a trainer for The biggest loser, so I figured, he’s worked with overweight people before. I can do what he’s asking of me. I wanted to cry but I held it together, ran 1.5 poles and walked one 😅. Ai. This is me, huffing and puffing off the streets of Sandton, there are other runners, they pass me like I’m walking… Well I walked in many instances… I then tried to at least catch-up with someone who was speed-walking. Ykes! The minute I made up my mind, it seemed like they were increasing their pace. I stopped. Out of breath. Looked behind me, I couldn’t turn back now, so trudged forward. Kabelo came around once again, asked if I’m still ok, I gave a thumbs up. He then advised when I’ll need to make a turn and that there’s a water point ahead as well. I said ok, continued running and walking.
I saw the stop sign, made a turn, it was only when I came to a road closure that I realized, it was the wrong turn. So I had to make my way back to the route, up an incline. Chest was on FIRE!
As I joined back the route, Kabelo drove by again, he chuckled, apologized and said my turn is only at the intersection. I literally huffed and puffed putting one foot in front of another, then I saw the half-way flag 😃 I made up my mind that this is where my race ends, at the 2.5 KM mark 🙈. I got there, plugged myself to the ground and told the marshal, Lesedi, this is it, I cannot go on. He smiled, offered me a glass of water and said, you can do it, you’re almost there. I cringed 😒 gave thanks and strutted away. 2 KM later, I was faced with an incline so steep I shook my head 🙆🏽♀️ Haai, I couldn’t. I checked my phone, it read 4.58 KM… I was close, yet not close to where I started, this time I had missed my turn! Hmmm mmh hmmm! I figured everyone must have completed their race by now, so I sent an SOS tweet out.
I stopped my app from tracking, I was finished.

I then asked a passer by for directions, to which I started walking in. Eish. Minutes later, Kabelo arrived with the Lesedi, the marshal. I admitted that I did what I could and needed a lift back 🤦♀️ They said they were worried when I didn’t make it back after passing the water point. I was glad they found me and that at least for today, it was over. I am truly grateful for everyone’s patience and allowing me to run my own race. Out of respect of all the runners and our coach, I committed to making healthier eating choices, training during the week and showing up.
I personally don’t know what inspired Kabelo and Gail Mabalane to start this running club, but I’d like for them to know that it is needed. Running is more than track, its heart and today, I put my heart out there because I knew they would be there to see that I see it through. I believe in their leadership and that although we started small, we can only get better and stronger from here.
We have our eyes set on the Soweto Marathon, I’m registered for the half marathon. Although it looks impossible from where I stand now, I know with dedication and commitment it can be done. I will make it to the starting line-up.

Lots of things were going through my mind during my short-run, all positive things; I was reminded of my “WHY?”. Although I cannot pin-point to where things deteriorated, I am well equipped to begin again. Below is a snapshot of my bookshelf, in 2016 I bought Kabelo Mabalane’s book: “I ran for my life”, it was one of the artefacts that lead to that year still being my best running year to date. Its time to revisit the lessons.
My journey back to road-running kick-started today and I couldn’t have asked for a better team to join, God-centred and experienced runners. Thank you to you and your team for making this happen. Kea leboga.
Saying you will do something shows good intentions, showing up to do it shows good character


I hope that this inspires everyone, irrespective of their age, gender, fitness-level, to have the courage to put on your running shoes / takkies and simply go out there and run. Walk when you need to but don’t you stop. The only run that doesn’t count is the one that didn’t happen.
