The Truth About The Fallout 76 Stash ‘Issue’
I finally caught a glimpse of it. That’s when I had enough of Fallout 76. Infact, let me step back a bit first..
I spent hours crawling slowly through the radiated wastes of West Virginia. I hid for days in the Cranberry Bog, crouching behind trees as the Scorchbeast rained down its unholy green breath.
Not because I couldn’t kill all the bad guys, but because Fallout 76 is nothing more than a Junk Inventory Zizz (or JIZZ for short.)
You will spend tonnes of time JIZZing in Fallout 76, infact its the only thing you will be doing. I couldn’t even enjoy the story without JIZZing every 15 minutes. I’ve spent more time in my Fallout 76 C.A.M.P than in my own house as I play the damn game.
So, I finally caught a glimpse of it. A weird Cryptid I hadn’t seen yet, beautifully resting on the edge of a cliff. Guns, Check. Ammo, check. I made a run to finally slay the Mothman. Only I couldn’t run. I had to stop and JIZZ again. Then it flew off into the sky, like the chances of me buying Fallout 5 when it finally comes out.
The fundamental problem in Fallout 76 is the stash box. And it's a problem that would take Bethesda two seconds to fix. But let me list some issues:
- Stash box holds 400 in weight only. You spend tonnes of time JIZZing.
- Your C.A.M.P has a budget limit. Meaning its a fucking small base made of wood chunks.
- It costs caps to fast travel.
Many of you need to open your eyes and see where this is going, and its fucking disgusting.
For those not in the know, Bethesda also made games like Skyrim and the adorably dull Elder Scrolls Online.
In the Elder Scrolls Online, there is a horrid little feature called ESO Plus, which costs you $10 a month, and here are some of its wonderful features you get to enjoy:
- Unlimited storage for crafting materials
- 1650 crowns per month for mounts, pets, & more
- Double Furnishings & Collectibles space in player housing
Now whatever you do, do NOT buy ESO Plus. Especially if you are on a PS4 as its almost impossible to find out how to cancel the $10 that flies out your account each month. They hide stop auto-renew miles away inside your settings and it isn’t registered in your PS profile online anywhere. It's one shitty, grindy, sneaky, salty mess. I can only imagine that x-box is the same.
So Elder Scrolls Online was set up to make you JIZZ non-stop. It's a god damn disgrace.
So, expect Bethesda to unload the Fallout 76 Online Plus (or ‘F-Off Plus’ for short) in the very near future. It will solve all your immediate problems in the game, for the arse-shattering price of $10 on top of your rent, food, bills, BF/GF, pets etc.
Here are the features I know will be in the F-Off Plus Wanky McWanksville offer:
- Full access to all DLC game packs
- Unlimited storage for crafting materials
- 1650 caps per month for shit, shit & more shit
- Double Bank space for your account (Die and lose caps feature on the horizon maybe?)
- 10% increase to Cap & Experience acquisition
- Double increase to Bizarre Perk Card Nonsense obtaining rates
- Double Budget for player C.A.M.P
- Exclusive access to skin costumes in the shitty store
- Exclusive access to other shit in the Store that F-Off Plus can buy
Truth be told, this is going to be one dirty fuckfest for your money. Bethesda will wait for the crying to die down about Fallout 76 having no plot, or NPCs, or decent stash- then it will launch F-Off Plus and watch the dollars roll in.
Until then, see you in Fallout 76. You will find my C.A.M.P near the top of the map, where I will spend most of my time JIZZing.
I am a PS4 loser, see you in the lifeless wasteland that is Fallout 76.
Mike Lebowski