A Monster in My Bedroom
Originally written July 7th, 2017
It’s past midnight and all I’d like to do is sleep, please.
I’m closing my eyes and I’m fading rapidly…and suddenly I am stuck. I can’t move. I can hardly breathe. My heart is racing and I can’t say a word. WAKE UP! WAKE UP! My body is incapacitated. There is an unfriendly presence here, I can feel it. The pressure in my room gets tighter, and tighter, and tighter, and my paralyzed body senses a fixed grope on every nerve… Someone — something — is here, and I am convinced I am going to die. GO AWAY! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! I’m trying to close and reopen my eyes but my muscles are tied in chains. I am half awake, but my will is being held hostage by an incomprehensible force. I cannot blink. I cannot speak. I cannot breathe, and my chest is slowly sinking deeper and deeper into my bed. I am going to die. It takes every ounce of energy, all existing conviction to get out of this hell.
Finally, I am fully awake, and the monster is gone.
This is what sleep paralysis is like.
This inexplicable phenomenon has been sporadically tormenting me for years — and it all started when I used a Ouija board freshman year of high school with my two best friends at the time…in a graveyard…after midnight…with candles… We thought it was the dandiest thing.
I remember the first time I got sleep paralysis I dreamt I was walking down a street at night and I saw a dark figure wearing a hooded jacket, standing at the other end of the pathway. It was raining, and the closer I got to his silhouette the more danger I sensed. All of a sudden, I was trapped in a tight, enclosed spaced with this creature. I couldn’t see its face, it was merely just a shadow, but all it did was squeeze me until I could no longer breathe. I remember hearing a really loud noise that invaded my head and formulated a forceful wave that penetrated my eardrums, almost making me believe that they were going to explode. This was the first time my conscience has faced death.
Sometimes I have nightmares, sometimes I’m half awake, and sometimes I hallucinate.
During one episode, I saw three people standing at the foot of my bed; they were mostly shadows and they didn’t move or talk — and much to my dismay, I couldn’t do either. Another time, I dreamt that I was curled up in a ball on the floor in the corner of my room. Everything looked the same and all my furniture was placed in its usual spot, but my muscles were asleep and I couldn’t get out of the position that I was in. I had an extreme feeling that if I didn’t move I was going to die, I tried to cry for help but only mutters came out of my mouth. I fought to be heard and when I woke up my chest ached from the abundance of screams I attempted to make.
I have tried several times to allow my mind to endure this horrific state, but every time I do, the episode only gets worse and worse and I can’t overcome the suffering. Tonight, I will try again. I will most likely have another episode, considering it’s 4 AM and I’ve been anxious. I titled this post ‘A Monster in My Bedroom’ because that’s what having sleep paralysis is like, but I’m curious to find out; perhaps it’s a monster in my head.
Sept. 7th, 2018
I have learned to overcome my fear of demons. They cannot touch me. They cannot hurt me. Indeed, there is power in the name of Jesus.
