Sweet Endings
August 23rd, 2018
As I pack my things and spend my last day at home before I go back to Lubbock, I find myself in deep reflection over what I have learned this summer…
As someone who gets lost in mazes of introspection, it’s easy to attach my past mistakes with the reality of who I am now. The distant dark memories have a way of aggressively invading my mind with vivid disturbance. They have a way of telling me that my identity lies in the lifestyle I use to live and the mistakes I’ve done. They have a way of telling me that I am not good enough and lacking. They have a way of awakening anxieties. They force me in a state of vigorous rituals of self-perfection and meditation. But I have realized something. When we minimize our mistakes and run away from who we used to be, we are burdening ourselves with power we do not have. When we groom and mold ourselves to be the “correct” version of ourselves, we are giving the lies a stronger hold over who we are.
What we’ve done does not matter. Our ugly side is not being viewed with condemnation. We are not empty after giving ourselves away. We don’t have to stress ourselves with everyday work of perfection and discipline; it’s okay to not be okay. We need only to be still and take time to feel things because we are not our own creators. It is Jesus who is at work. It is Jesus who is purifying our hearts and molding our character. It is Jesus who already defeated the lies. When we identify with our flaws and past mistakes, we are disbelieving the Father when he says: “You are altogether beautiful, my love, there is no flaw in you.”
So to the hungry soul out there, if you’re still reading this, rest for a little while. Take off the heavy costume of shame and self-deprecation and self-pity, or whatever else you dress yourself with. That is not who you are. I promise, I promise.
