All you need in life is a strong sense of being truthful, if you can fake that, you’ve got it made — In a world awash with information, where news is incentivised, opinions politicised and even misery monetised, learning what is true in order to do what is right has never been more difficult. …

I recently attended a positive mindset training course, it was okay, but the room was half empty — Now, I’ll have you know that I’m not the kind of half-witted wannabe writer to wave tales of hope around willy nilly, nor am I the kind of literary-aligned lunatic to use positivity-themed puns for cheap comedic effect, after all, such behaviour would be positively punexcusable. …

Because that’s what it’s all about — Rest assured, I’m not the kind of writer to wave a load of unwittingly-learned life lessons around willy nilly, nor am I the kind of fool to encourage such philosophical frivolities as self-reflection, reason, and the like, and no, before you lower the tone of this story, philosophical boobs are…

You can tell just by looking at them — Rest assured I’m not the kind of writer to throw tales of unwarranted judgment around willy nilly, nor am I the kind of wordsmith to mess my words around for cheap comedic effect — making bad puns is not how eye roll — in fact if you get off on…

Not everything is as black and white as it may seem — If you’re reading this story please send help. Medium has finally shut me down. It would appear my overly long opening monologues, overly self-deprecating discourse and overly audacious satirical subtext have all contributed to my inevitable downfall. Bye, farewell my beloved Medium friends, it’s been emotional. Edit: I’m only joking…

But I just couldn’t accept all the perms and conditions — Rest assured, I’m not the kind of writer to wave tales of barbershop-related regret around willy nilly, nor am I the kind of fool to fill a story with hairdressing puns for cheap comedic effect, after all, such behaviour would be damn-right dye-a-follicle. …

Bottled, tightly capped, and overvalued — Whether you consider yourself a chill-seeker or a thrill-seeker, an arse-licker or an arse-kicker or even an anti-common-senser or a no-nonsenser one way or another I’m prepared to wager my divorce-induced near-on decade long debt that more often than not a momentary absence of emotional self-mastery has resulted in you…

Wait, fuck — I’m not the kind of lackadaisical Lennonesque wannabe to wax lyrical about compassion and kindness, nor am I the kind of wordsmith to wave witty wordplay around willy nilly, any fool knows such shenanigans can urine a whole sentence. …

To be honest, I can’t imagine being able to manage that — In a world awash with internalized woe, where victimhood is incentivized, misery monetized and public discourse and debate deterred, discouraged and damn well looked down upon it can be incredibly tough at times to find the calm in the chaos, the light in the darkness and even the positivity in…