Calling on The One

higher experience: what happens when you call on yourself to stay curious with uncomfortable emotions.

She said, “I want to write”.

The One* said, “write”.

She said, “But what if my ideas aren’t unique or creative enough?”

The One said, “You have to write to find out.”

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She said, “Household chores are endless. I dislike the time it takes.” Then she thought a little more until finally she said,” But what about the mindless, incessant, overwhelming humming of thoughts, fears, worries, anger, self-hate? How much energy and time does my mind spend doing THAT? More than it takes to wash the dishes.”

The One said, “Exactly, my dear.”

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She said, “I don’t think she likes me. I think she and I must be too different. Does she think we are too different? Could something I do make her feel bad? I don’t want to make her feel bad. Maybe, it’s my fault she doesn’t like me. Maybe it’s who I am. Should I ask my friends if she likes me? Then my friends will ask why I think she doesn’t like me. I can’t tell them why I think she doesn’t like me. I don’t know why.

The One said: Does it matter if she likes you? Do you like her?

She said, “Well, yes, I like her. I do believe we think differently, but I think that is okay. I feel bad when I am misunderstood, but I like her. I am scared that because she is different than me, she doesn’t like me.

The One said: So you are afraid you won’t be liked? You are scared that because she might see you as different it means your differences will be seen as bad. And you like her, so that makes you feel vulnerable?

She said, “Yes, that is it”.

The One said: “You accept her differences and it doesn’t mean you don’t like her.”

She said, “Yes, but how can I be sure that this is true for her?”

The One said: “Ahhh, there is no certainty. You can only know that you like her despite her differences and that it matters to you whether she likes you. You can also know that you are scared when you think that she might not like you. Can you explore why you are so scared that she might not like you?

She said, “It makes me feel vulnerable, like I said”. “It makes me understand that I question my worth as a person.” “Am I worthy, if others don’t love me?”

The One said: “Yes, my dear. You are worthy of love and belonging. Look into you heart and see all the love there is for you. What I hope you will see my dear is what matters most. More than anything you must love yourself.”

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*For me The One represents the wisdom that is in each one of us, but is separate from our ego and only can be made known through staying curious and present with our thoughts and emotions. Please feel free to interpret this as you will.