American Ruffalo

Mark Ruffalo’s trailer on the set of Avengers: Infinity War. Mark Ruffalo and Robert Downey, Jr. sit sunken into bean bags filled with box office gold dust.

MARK RUFFALO

Now lookit Hiddleston.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

Hiddles?

MARK RUFFALO

You take him and put him on some strange shoot with just a set of sides in his pocket and by wrap he’ll have that movie by the balls. This is not talk, Bob, this is action movies.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

He’s a real good actor.

MARK RUFFALO

Goddamn right he is. It takes training and charisma and the guts to write your own lines. That hulker won himself a Teen Choice Award last night.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

Who else was in the scene?

MARK RUFFALO

Me.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

Yeah.

MARK RUFFALO

And Evans.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

How was Evans?

MARK RUFFALO

Phoned. It. In.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

Shit.

MARK RUFFALO

And Renner was there -

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

Yeah.

MARK RUFFALO

And Hiddleston.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

But how good was he?

MARK RUFFALO

Teen. Choice. Award.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

Who else was there?

MARK RUFFALO

Scarlett.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

She do okay?

MARK RUFFALO

She does okay.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

She’s got chops.

MARK RUFFALO

Yes, she does.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

I like her.

MARK RUFFALO

Hulk, I like her, too. (There’s nothing wrong in that.)

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

How’d you do?

MARK RUFFALO

I did okay. Not like Hiddleston . . .

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

No?

MARK RUFFALO

I mean, Hiddleston is an actor.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

He hits his mark.

MARK RUFFALO

You’re goddamn right he does.

Thus the play continues for another hour and a half with even more goddamns and plenty of pauses until it reaches climax when Josh Brolin hits Robert Downey, Jr. over the head with an Infinity Gauntlet.