This is exactly how I feel about my daughter. Please don’t let her be like me. I tell her all the time. But I know in the end that what I want matters not at all. I can only keep reminding her. Being an addict, I’ve heard so many stories from other addicts about their children growing accustomed to their bad behavior. My daughter is 8 and she had to experience mommy going to rehab (my third time, her first) just months ago. I hope that things like that will teach her not to do the things I do. She sees the shit I go through with her father, also an addict. I hope that teaches her to pick more wisely who she chooses to spend her time with. And yet, I see many traits that worry me. Some of mine, some of her fathers. And with two addicts for parents, her chances are not great. It’s so sad because I want her to be better than us. But I can’t rightly expect her to. I guess the best we can hope for is that they will see the damage we have done to ourselves and decide this is not for them. So I’ll just keep telling her stories about withdrawals, homelessness, jail, and loss until she’s so sick of hearing about it that maybe she won’t want to also live it.
Also, I think it’s cute your kids call you “abba.” My daughter once called her dad and I “abba” and “ema” but not so much anymore. We spent over a year in Israel when she was around 3–4. She now understands Hebrew when I speak to her but doesn’t so much speak it. Her dad is American and doesn’t speak Hebrew. So she doesn’t want to either. Its apparently “not cool” or something. I hope when she’s a bit older she’ll learn it’s actually super cool to be bilingual. I’m grateful to my parents (both Israelis) for keeping up with it so that I’m now fluent even though they left the country when I too was 4 years old. :)