Hey, Leela,
Life is elsewhere
1

Before going further, I should clarify that the way people around me have defined “settling down” as a lifestyle consisting of fostering a small, committed, and often location-restricted social network (i.e. family). I’ve found this strategy is commonly believed to create “deeper ties” and a “strong foundation.” I’ve observed that “settling down” counter-intuitively leads to insecure relationships, stuck without outside sources of excitement and intimacy, as well as a low sense of agency in pursuing interests.

In contrast, I operate with the hypothesis that adventuring and being open to connecting with a lot of people can improve one’s sense of agency and understanding of prior connections. This strategy has built-in redundancy and allows for exploring preferences without pressuring unwilling parties to follow.

While this sounds like I’m saying adventuring/polysluttery = good, settling/monogamy = bad, it’s a lot more complicated than that. This topic can be broken down into different relational styles, travel patterns, skill acquisition, etc. Even the stability vs adventure dichotomy is false, since the illusion of “stability” can be devastating when aspects of the relationship/environment has changed.

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