Modeling: Never Liked the Term but It Changed My LIFE
“If it was so easy, anybody could do it”- Everyone
I remember sitting in a bedroom with my sisters watching “America’s Next Top Model”. I liked the show but even at 10 years old, I never liked the concept. I didn’t like how you had to be 5'7" and be super skinny to make the cut. I guess that’s why everyone has that mindset on where not everyone can win. On top of that, you couldn’t have tattoos.
Back then, I told myself that I would NEVER be a model and NEVER get tattoos. I just wanted to be an actress. Hell, I’m about 4'10" myself. Why would I want to model? I wouldn’t make the cut.
“Be careful of what you say you won’t do ’cause it can all change…”- August Alsina
11 years later, I have 19 tattoos and have done numerous photoshoots as the title of a “model”. First couple of years I didn’t take it serious but I realized what it did for me. I was that girl that was afraid of her stretch marks and cellulite. I was afraid of what people would say. I was shy.
“Confidence is the stain they can’t wipe off”- Lil’ Wayne
I gained so much fucking confidence from it. I became less observant of what others said about me. I was told that I was doing porn. It got to me but I still did the implied nude and nude photoshoots. It made ME happy. I eventually channeled all of that. I cared less about the happiness of the others. I was told that I couldn’t model, that no photographer would want to work with me, that I was too short, that I had to be Caucasian or African American in this day in age… the list went on and on.
The people CLOSEST to me talked the most SHIT. “You can’t get all of those tattoos because no photographer wants all of that.” The biggest ones were behind my back: “Look at those naked pictures she’s posting”, “She’s a hoe”, “She’s trying to get everyone’s man”, “Who is she trying to impress?”.
I worked with photographers that saw my vision. They saw what I was capable of. They saw that I did have the look. They saw CONFIDENCE. They saw ART. — nill this day, those same photographers know I’m no professional but they work with me because of what I have. I’m not focused on being some sex item or even LOOKING sexy. I KNOW I look sexy regardless of what a mouth says. I’m not thick, skinny, tall, or any of that. I’m just petite.
Right before the New Year for 2015 started, I was kicked out of my parents’ house due to my modeling. They considered it “porn”. I left it at that and never looked back.
All of this led to my #ShirtlessSelfies on Instagram. It hasn’t kicked off but I’m fine with that. I eventually started to post the photos on Facebook as well. I’ve had so much feedback from people I’ve never met in life supporting me. I just considered to call it #WeAreArt. That is what we are. Our body is a canvas. Paint it how you want to. YOU are a MASTERPIECE.
Nowadays, I get my parent’s saying they want me back. They got me fucked up. Like I said, I’m not about to turn around and throw everything I’ve accomplished away. I know, once I step back through their door… No social media, no blogs (writing and video), no photoshoots. NO MORE MAKING SHIT HAPPEN.
I have one photographer wanting to put me in a magazine… I did 2 years of this and just now getting someone wanting to put me in a magazine. It’s nothing big but a publication is a publication. Plenty of times I’ve been asked to be in music videos but working a 9–5 hasn’t been easy. I’m working on that right now.
If you must ask me WHY did I decide to model, I just got tired of people saying I couldn’t do it and that it was inappropriate. I chose to move forward with my dreams.
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