Panic often arises in kids because they perceive danger. Sometimes, this is very real and threatening. Other times, the danger isn’t present but the mental anguish is still very real. The goal of a responder is NOT to convince the child that danger isn’t there. It’s to connect and respond accordingly.

This guide is a guide on how to interact with and calm the emotions of the child (or adult for that matter) but should not be used to replace emergency procedures. It should also be noted that part of a crisis response is recognising the individual’s response to your actions and to alter accordingly. The following steps ought to be considered more baselines. Every responder and every participant will have their own system to work through and the most successful responders are adapting to the real time needs of the participants.

It is of utmost importance to develop your own response system. This is largely because the framework for this calming method is based on connection between two people. Connection which is faked will never be as effective as that which is true. This connection piece is sometimes made easier if the parties have a previously established relationship. However, it is possible to establish a connection without a previously existing relationship.

In my last post I discussed how to interact with panic when danger is perceived but not present. This guide will discuss how to calm a participant down in the face of danger.

When Danger is Present

This, as indicated, is when there is real and present danger. This may be an imminent threat or a coming one. The goal of the responder is to: 1) perform a danger assessment; 2) establish the immediacy of the threat; 3) take necessary actions to make the participant safe; 4) calm the participant. The process of interacting with a participant in present danger is more difficult as it often balances between needing the participants cooperation which requires them to be calm and keeping them safe regardless of participation.

Step 1: Danger Assessment

The goal of The Danger Assessment is to establish the immediate danger of the person. Secondly, it establishes the physical ability of the person to take the next step. It can typically be done in a matter of seconds and should be an almost automatic response.

Step 2: Plan of Action

The goal of this step is to think through, for yourself, what needs to happen to reach safety and calmness. This will help you determine how forceful you may need to be with the participant in getting them to safety. It also allows you to think through the consequences of each potential step.

Step 2: Establish Connection

The goal of establishing a connection is to make ‘contact’ with the participant so that they understand they are not alone and that you have things under control.

Step 3: Breathing

The goal of this step is to ensure that both participant and responder are breathing. The first response to fear is to alter one’s breathing pattern. Some hyperventilate while others simply hold their breath. It is important that both parties continue breathing normally to remain conscious and calm. Furthermore, it strengthens connection. Controlling ones breathing pattern when real danger is present is incredibly difficult but necessary. If possible, have the participant breath with you to counts of 6. If not possible, such as when one is swimming in a river take a few deep breaths with the participant.

Step 4: Giving Information

The goal of this step is to re-engage the higher functions of the brain with the response cycle as well as gives critical information to the participant for their safety. The brain is an incredible organ which will do whatever is necessary to survive, including shutting itself off. When panic sets in the limbic system and the hind-brain take over. This shuts off cognitive functions such as logic and heightens fear responses. This is an attempt to re-engage the brain but is also communicates the necessary details of your plan to the participant.

Step 5: The Next Step

The goal of this step is to hopefully empower the participant to take the next step but ultimately to actualise your plan. A large part of what makes us feel fearful is when we encounter a threat that we feel helpless against. When we believe we are incapable of doing anything, panic overtakes us. The goal of this step is to bring back a sense that the participant can in fact respond and do something to help themselves. If they, however, are taking too long to respond the goal the object of the step is to do whatever is necessary.

Step 6: Get to Safety

The goal of this step is to take as many ‘next steps’ as it takes to establish the safety of the participant while maintaining a sense of calm and control.

Step 6: The Calm Down

The goal of this step is to re-establish the baseline level of fear prior to the incident after the participant is made safe. This is primarily a matter of maintaining your connection with the participant until they are calmer. You may continue to cycle through the steps encouraging connection, breathing, and moving until the participant is calm.

Step 7: Follow Through

The goal of this step is to finish the process and is especially useful for those previously in relationship together. It is a simple check in process that allows you to re-connect and listen to the participant. This is largely just through asking and once again encouraging. Remember this is about the participant. Listen to them, encourage them, DON’T tell them how you’re feeling or what you were experiencing. DO find someone else who is safe to process this with when needed.