Have you ever heard of the conspiracy about “Men will never forget their first love”? Well, surprisingly women also have a similar conspiracy but it’s not about first love. It was first experience. Did anyone come up to your mind as you read that sentence?
First experience and first love sounds almost the same right? But it’s not. You see, first love applies to the first person you fell in love with genuinely, the person who made you awake at night texting until the morning, the person who made you laugh at the most unfunny dad joke and the person who gives you butterflies just by the sentence “I love you”. But what makes it so different from first experience?
Personally, I think first experience can be applied to the person you loved genuinely, sincerely, wholeheartedly. What I mean is, the person who you think about when some random videos in tiktok showed up in your for you page talking about relationships or even the person who you think about before falling asleep while making some romantic scenarios about them.
It’s funny how these sounds exactly the same. Maybe I’m not good at explaining the differences between this but the point is, the conspiracy was correct. Even after 3 years of falling in love with my “first experience”, and even after it have been almost 2 years since we broke contacts. I still miss him to this day.
Even after forcing myself to like other men, forcing myself to move on and forget about you, I still get those small thoughts of you while doing work. And those small thoughts of you is what makes me miss you more. I feel bad saying this, since I was the one who wanted us to stop talking. Despite that, only God knows how much I miss you and only God knows what is the best for us.
I don’t have the courage to tell you this. I don’t have the bravery to meet you again, not even if I wanted to. I don’t think I am worth to be seen by you, I’m scared that we’ll both will miss each other and hurt our feelings again. The last thing I want to happen is to hurt your feelings again, I’ll try to avoid you as much as I could.
But if you’re reading this, I miss you qimin. You and your words still lingers on my mind. Your words, your actions, your affection. It all left a scar in my heart, and it still aches me every time I’m reminded of it.
But for the sake of God, I’ll move on. If fate wanted us to, we’ll meet again, one day in the future. I’ll keep praying for your health now and then and I hope you’ll do the same too.
Qimin, loving you was the best choice. As this confession ends, I’ll let the fate destine our next meeting or perhaps our last departure. I believe what bound to happen to us later will the best for us.
I love you.
