Listen to the feedback, Give feedback, Ask for feedback, these are common statements being heard especially in the Agile/Lean Software development. I am referring to feedback in human interactions, not that we receive from the systems.
Recently I felt that Feedback is Overrated. It might be because I am giving and receiving a lot of feedback.
I came across the book What did you say? The Art of Giving and Receiving Feedback. The book talks about feedback from both the giver’s and receiver’s perspective and also explains how it can be presented in a manner so that both gets benefitted.
Let's look at the feedback loop as defined in the book:
As shown in the above diagram, feedback loop continues if A decides whether or not to do anything about the feedback. And that is where the problem occurs. It can cause Crucial Conversations, which the authors refers as a lot of dust gets spread before it settles down.
The author concludes the book by summarising the art of giving and receiving feedback as follows:
The Art of Giving
I must take care of myself, because if I’m off center, my feedback will be contaminated.
I must feel in control of me in the situation, because otherwise my feedback will be struggling to get me in control. “Being in control of me in the situation” does not mean being in control of you. Being in control of me means that I am not under compulsion–I know I have the choice of giving or not giving feedback.
I must be devoid of judging, because judging is unlikely to be well received.
I must be observant, so that my feedback follows verifiable observations, not speculations.
I must be clear, and not contribute to the many potential sources of misunderstanding.
I must be flexible, rather than always using the same approach — able to reframe my feedback into a form you can understand and accept,.
I must practice, and learn from my mistakes. That is, I must use feedback about my feedback.
I must become an artist at receiving feedback, because otherwise I cannot appreciate the difficulties my receiver is experiencing when trying to understand me.
The Art of Receiving Feedback
I must take care of myself, because if I’m off center, my perceptions and interpretations will be contaminated.
I must feel in control of me in the situation, because otherwise my energy will be trying to get me in control, rather than understanding your feedback. “Being in control of me in the situation” does not mean being in control of you. Being in control of me means that I am not under compulsion–I know I have the choice of accepting or not accepting feedback.
I must be devoid of judging, because judging will contaminate my ability to accept or reject feedback on the basis of its information content.
I must be observant, so that my interpretation follows verifiable observations, not fantasies.
I must seek clarification, rather than internally amplify the many potential sources of misunderstanding.
I must be flexible, able to reframe my requests for clarification into a form that you can understand and accept, and able to consider different possibilities for interpretation.
I must practice, and learn from my mistakes. That is, I must use feedback about my ability to receive feedback.
I must become a feedback artist, because I cannot be a good receiver of feedback if I have no understanding of the source.
There exist similarities between the two lists. It is because the most important thing while giving or receiving feedback is congruence–acknowledging, understanding, and accepting what’s going on inside of me.
So the next time when you give or receive feedback, keep in mind that neither the giver nor the receiver is compelled to give or receive feedback. And the receiver and the giver are supposed to seek clarification to avoid any kind of misunderstanding, especially if you care the other person.
