Day 204: How to be my best friend

Lee Ngo
Lee Ngo
Jul 24, 2017 · 3 min read

I am paid to get along with people. That’s actually part of my job description. Throughout most of my week, I speak with a kind tone, shake hands, be helpful and courteous — all towards building a strong, vibrant, relevant data science community throughout the world.

I’m often challenged by a select few who ask out of curiosity:

“Do you have friends? Like, real friends?”

The answer is yes. I’m actually quite selective and guarded about the company I keep. I’ve changed friendly groups quite a bit throughout the years, yet I’ve also retained a strong core since first grade.

Here are the four criteria to be my best friend. Simple in concept, challenging in execution. Only a select few have reached the zenith.

Keep up with me.

I have esoteric tastes, and I like being around people who indulge in them. Most cultural tokens bore me, to be honest. Reality television, ephemeral fashion, sensationalist news, getting wasted — I’m at a point in my life where I don’t want to waste it on a whole lot of nothing.

Lately I’ve been interested in being creative, advancing myself in modest ways. It’s easy to sit and consume — food, media, good vibes. It’s something else entirely to willfully struggle in order to make yourself better.

Open invitation to befriend others who are involved in those projects.

Be good to my people.

My friends and family deserve your respect. Before you meet them, I’ll likely brief you in advance on how to engage. Listen to my instructions. Respect goes a long way with me, especially compensating for the myriad of cultural differences that come with my particular community.

Failing this relatively simple test is a sign that you’re not very mindful of others, which means you’ll eventually not be mindful of me. Speaking of which…

Watch my back.

A good test of character to me is how one responds when I’m stressed, distressed, or under some kind of assault. Do you come to my defense or aid? Do you try to make my life a little easier? Are you there for me?

Or, and this is a huge pet peeve of mine, do you make it about yourself? If you’re focused more on your ego in these moments and not on your peers, you’re probably not best friend material.

Be reliable.

I don’t ask for a lot besides show up, respond at an appropriate hour, and reinforce the trust I have in you. Although I’m not much of a man of faith, I’m largely dependent on it when it comes to my friends. Lamentably, I’ve experienced far too many times when that trust was broken.

Pay your debts and reach a balance with me, and we’ll get along just fine.


That’s pretty much it. Think you can fit the criteria?

… I am even worth being your friend? Let me know what it takes, and I’ll see if I can meet your lofty expectations.

— Lee

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