Day 237: 5 Ways My Wife Drives Me Crazy

Lee Ngo
Lee Ngo
Aug 26, 2017 · 3 min read

Okay, so my wife Sharon flies back to Iowa today. I think it’s time for me to get some things off my chest. I think I’m married to a crazy person. Let me count the ways she’s slowly driving me crazy, too.

She’s a bit of a psycho with food.

I’ll often catch her shamefully browsing images of food or looking at a menu in advance of a restaurant we’re going to check out. Why does she do this? She merely looks up, laughs, and goes back into her epicurean porn.

I think she’s secretly crying for help. Don’t believe me? Check her Instagram. It’s nothing but plates of food she makes that I’m not allowed to eat until she gets “that perfect shot.”

She never wipes down the counters.

Whether she’s washing her face, doing the dishes, or cooking up a storm — Sharon leaves behind massive puddles of water on tabletops and counters.

Every time I see these puddles, I think of the millions of bacteria that are pooling together, scheming to find ways to make us sick. I’ve nagged about this issue to no avail.

Otherwise, she’s obsessed with cleanliness.

I’d rather not get into too much detail here because it gets me a bit riled up. Let’s just say I think there’s a distinction between the cleanliness standards of a home after a long day and, say, the operating table.

She repeats what I say (but doesn’t retain it).

Sharon has this strange tic of repeating the last clause I’ve made. She claims that it has to do with the fact that she’s not from America, and her grasp of English fails to keep up with my rapid-fire speaking style.

I call shenanigans. She’s fluent, a freaking doctorate, and constantly watching American comedies on Netflix AND getting all the jokes. I think she’s tuning me out, especially when I’m mansplaining (another topic).

She’s really loud for a small person (or any person).

How does someone who stands at 4'11" (if she doesn’t hunch) make so much noise? The most startling noise she makes is what I call “The Sharon Yelp,” an outburst that happens whenever she’s watching a “Suspenseful Drama Featuring a Strong Female Lead” on Netflix.

But… sometimes you just need the eggs.

I’m sure for every item I’ve listed here, Sharon could write another dissertation on the ways I drive her up the wall. In the end, we take the “bad” stuff and bundle them together with the terrific.

The result: an ideal life.

I could fill an oeuvre with lists about how she’s an incredible woman, so I’ll just say for this: before I met Sharon, I’ve been always looking backward, wondering where all that potential went and why I’m still scraping at the bottom while others continue to climb.

With Sharon, I’m always looking forward. Always.

— Lee

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Lee Ngo

Written by

Lee Ngo

Write with intention. Think with compassion.

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