Today’s Menu: love sucks

It’s like a modern day twist on Romeo &Juliette…well sorta…

Dateline: Mexico

Subject 1: Typical, horny seventeen year old boy.

Subject 2: Equally typical horny young female.

Only, she’s not seventeen. She’s twenty-four.

Understandably, his parents were not pleased with the age difference. I don’t know if they could press charges of statutory rape in Mexico. I don’t know if they ever got that far.

Turns out, robbing the cradle was the least of their concerns. Under a cease fire with his parents, the young boy was having dinner with them. Sometime between appetizers and dessert, the teen started having convulsions.

Paramedics were called…but the boy couldn’t be saved.

Reported cause of death: stroke. That’s right; a stroke, apparently brought on by a hickey that his girlfriend had given him earlier that evening.

Say what? How does that even work? It is believed that the suction of the love bite(aka hickey)caused a blood clot to form…that then traveled to the teen’s brain, which caused the stroke.

The 24 year old girlfriend is in hiding…the distraught parents are blaming her. Sounds like a movie plot, doesn’t it? One of those B-movies like ‘The Fiend With Five Fingers’. Only, this horror movie isn’t a movie.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, either. In 2011, in New Zealand, a woman was left partially paralyzed after a similar romantic evening. Treated with blood thinners, she eventually made a full recovery.

Will this be viewed as a freak accident or is this the beginning of the end for the hickey? Will fear put a stop to this amorous expression of affection?

I can already hear the health campaigns to stop the spread of hickeys. There will be public service announcements. Someone will start a chapter of MASH(Mothers Against Sexual Hickeys). Cue the advertisements for the legal lawsuits... “Did you or a loved one suffer from blood clots, stroke, or even death as a result of a hickey? If so, the law firm of Legal Eagles can put cash in your pocket”. Oh, let’s not forget the insurance and pharmaceutical companies. “Got a hickey? There’s an epi-pen for that…”