lunch with lee(TO EAT OR NOT TO EAT)

Today’s Menu: Total Recall

You are what you eat. But in this case, what you eat just might kill you.

Lunch was delicious. Tuna sandwich on rye, light on the mayo, pickle spear, bag of chips.

I’m at home, sitting in my recliner, feet propped up, watching the news, eating dinner. On comes a product recall alert: TAINTED TUNA. Fork drops…Pasta spews out of my mouth, hitting the tv screen, doing a slow roll down the image of the 6 o’clock news anchor, reading a page and a half of affected lot numbers.

I scrambled to the kitchen. Check the pantry. No tuna. Check the recyclables. No cans. Check the trash. Filled with take out containers and who knows what else. A teenager lives here. Need I say more.

Five minutes later, sitting on the kitchen floor, cans and plastic containers strewn about me. I hear the theme music from one of those news-magazine shows. You know the ones. Tonight’s special report: Disgruntled Food Service Workers.

There were reports of employees not washing hands after using the bathroom…Raw meat being stored above fresh vegetables…and they saved the best for last, the man caught relieving himself over cereal.

I’m remembering…according to the news anchor, she said the symptoms started 3–4 hours after consumption and included extreme diarrhea and projectile vomiting. This afternoon’s tuna flip flopped in my stomach. My head spun.

Pissy cereal…Tainted tuna…Salmonella stuffed pasta.

If I can make it til morning, I’ll be just fine…