lunch with lee(YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?)

Today’s Menu: 5 Reasons Fast Food Isn’t Good For You.

We all know fast food isn’t good for us. We’ve all read the health journals, we’ve seen the diet and binge and puke your gut out reality shows, we’ve seen the looks of disdain from doctors, we’ve heard the lectures. Weight gain, obesity, clogged arteries, heart attack. Yes, those are all serious future health concerns.

What I want to talk about are the immediate effects. You know, when you’re hungry and you just want something to eat, so you pull into the nearest drive thru…and things go horribly wrong. Before you know it, it comes over you. You try, but can’t control it. It grows and grows until it either has to come out or you’ll spontaneously combust. That’s right…you’re “hangry”. Hungry and Angry…and that’s just dangerous…for everyone.

I’ve compiled a list of 5 things that make me the hangriest in the drive thru.

  1. Can I help you? Can I Help You? CAN I HELP YOU?

How many times have you been in line to pull up to the little speaker box and the drive through person is already yelling at you wanting to know what you want? How about giving me half a second to look at the menu? Meanwhile the car in front of me has not even pulled completely away yet and you’re already demanding I make a decision. Newsflash, it’s not a bomb. I don’t need to decide in a split-second if I should cut the blue wire or the red wire.

2. Wawa wawa wawa wawa

Suddenly, the clearly demanding attitude laden voice is reduced to uttering unintelligible sounds.

How is it that we have crystal-clear sound on iPhone’s, televisions, radios, etc. and yet the person on the other end of a drive thru speaker sounds as if they’re speaking with a mouth full of shit?

Reminds me of the principal from an old Peanuts cartoon.

Enough said.

3. Do you want fries with that?

“No. All I want is a chicken sandwich.”

“Ok. A number two combo.”

“No. Just the sandwich.”

“Ok. What kind of drink with that number two?”

Aaaarggghhhh!!!!

Guarantee you when I get to the window, they try to charge me for the combo.

4. “Can I please have utensils to eat my biscuit and gravy?” No lie. I have been through the drive thru and ordered food more than once that any non-neanderthal would eat with the aid of utensils. Scrambled eggs. Chicken fried steak. Fries smothered in chili and cheese. Chicken fried rice.

COME ON!!!! Just give me a fork, for cryin’ out loud. Meanwhile, I have twenty packs of ketchup…and no fries.

5. What The Hell Is That?!?

You get to work- or home -or your destination of choice and sit down to eat. You open up your bag and reach in to pull out your breakfast, lunch, or dinner. You’re so hungry you’re tempted to eat the container, too.

You open it…only to discover it’s not what you ordered. Not even close. Wait a minute-there was no one in line ahead of you. No other cars in sight. You were the only one there. HOW could they have possibly given you someone else’s meal? To make it worse; you have a food allergy. You can’t eat this…whatever this is.

You call the number on the receipt. Presuming the phone line isn’t busy and someone actually answers-you asked for the manager on duty. The voice that comes on the line sounds so young you can actually picture his pimples oozing into the receiver. You explain the error and after the deafening sound of what can only be described as annoyed silence, he tells you he will write your name down and they will replace your order the next time you are in. Great. The fast food joint is thirty minutes away. I either don’t have the time or the energy or the desire to go back now.

And, I’m hungry.

Don’t make me hangry.

No one likes me when I’m HANGRY.