Thoughts on my Convalescence and Return to Work
The month of February has been an eye opener for me. I spent most of it on FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) and STD (Short Term Disability). Now if I’d of had my way, I’d have been back to work sooner because I felt up to it. However, it was decided for me that I was not capable of doing my job due to a short term medical condition.
This time off has given me insight into how people with legitimate medical disability must feel.
First off, being cut off from the people you work with and the access to tools you use gives one a feeling of helplessness and lack of belonging. It almost feels like when you lose a job. A sinking feeling of being left behind.
Second is the frustration of working through the paperwork needed to file the claims. Doctors offices in my experience were super slow in getting paperwork sent to the various places in a timely manner. For instance, I filled out my portion of the FMLA form in less than half an hour. Two weeks later the doctors office still had not checked the couple of boxes and obtained the physicians signature needed to complete the form. Even worse was the STD claim which had not been turned in by the time I returned to work 24 days later.
Third, the boredom that set in after the initial convalescence. You know , the time when you feel good enough to do something for at least a short time. I did everything that I could think of. I did my taxes, organized my closet , Shredded old documents and organized my files. Mowed the lawn, washed all 3 of my cars and filled them with gas. After about two weeks I was more than ready to return to work.
Finally I was cleared to return to work! Surprisingly, at least to me was the feeling of anxiety, self doubt and wondering if I could make it through a day. I had never thought of the psychological effects of forced time off on my mind. I’ve had some times of minor depression…. Awhile back a friend of mine at work went through a similar experience. I saw that when he returned he had a hard time getting back up to speed. I never thought I would feel that way. I talked to him about it and now understand his feelings a little better. I think that if someone else I knows goes through an experience like mine that I will be more understanding. I think my eyes were open. I think I will be more empathetic when I see others with challenges .
I can tell you one thing for certain. I am not the same person I was before I got sick. I may not be able to pin down exactly how I’m different at this time. I hope that one day I will have clarity on this matter. For now I’ll just have to take it day by day.
My wife, who was sick at the same time that I was, has been awesome and supportive. I know for sure that this shared experience has brought us closer. We had to rely on each other since neither of us felt well. Team work, a common enemy (Scarlet Fever) and a shared goal of getting back to health ASAP were just some of the things that brought us closer together. (Not that we weren’t close before)
It’s now day two of my return to work. A new month has started, I’m feeling a bit more confident in my abilities at work and am so pleased that I was missed and am valued. I’m not back to my old self yet but am feeling a little stronger. I still need more rest than I did in January. I can’t do as much exercise as I could just a few short weeks ago. My focus isn’t quite as good as I’d like it to be. I have to be more deliberate in doing routine things at my job. Things that should be able to be done by rote. I don’t expect it to be a long term experience and hope to have worked through it soon.
