Migraines: A Lesson in Stillness and Patience

I reached for my phone, pressed the button and checked the time. 5:38 am, Sunday morning. The glare of the light illuminated the intense pain that must have been building throughout the night and was now what had woken me up. “It’s Sunday”, I think. What a blessing, I can sleep in. I get out of bed, shivering from the winter cold, walk to the kitchen and reach for that medicine box. I know I’m taking the heavy stuff, and on an empty stomach, so I grab the probiotic as well. Getting back into bed, I try to clear my mind as I fall asleep, hoping that when I open my eyes again the nagging, building pain would be gone.

It’s still there when I wake up, and now it is searing. A combination of a week of bad eating habits, stress and hormones have pushed my dull headache of 2 days into a full on attack. And I’m instantly in a bad mood, anger seething, and generally a miserable person to be around. The aftermath of such an unwelcome event is spent apologizing to my family for my mood, not just for the day I get a migraine but also the mood on the days leading up to it.

For me, as a writer and a person who generally enjoys entertaining daydreaming and thoughts, having a migraine is debilitating. When in pain, every sound is like a knife through my ears, any light might as well be the sun, and any passing thoughts seem to cause more pain.

A migraine means a day down, a day spent in bed with pain killers to soothe and deaden. It also means that even when the pain is gone, I will walk around like a cat on a hot tin roof, worrying that every step will bring it back. And it is worth mentioning that the painkillers also leave evidence of their treatment in the rather fluffy feeling in my head, which means I am all but useless for the rest of the day.

But I like to think there is a reason, other than biological, for this pain. Not spiritual but psychological.

I don’t speak for everyone, but I think that getting a migraine is a wake up call. Firstly, it reminds me of my neglectfulness when it comes to my body. I ate too much chocolate this week, for instance. Secondly, it is a lesson in being still, calm and quiet. And thirdly, it is my reminder to have patience, because no matter how impatient I am to do what needs to be done, a migraine will hold me down and keep me away from the world until I’m ready to face it again.

Our lives are always so rushed that we are never still; in body or in mind. When you get a migraine you have no choice but to be still, to lie down and clear your mind. In a way, this forces you to meditate and find that inner peace even when you’d rather cry, scream or otherwise go crazy.

Migraines are also my lesson in peace. I usually find that before I get one, something has thrown me off. Stress at work, obsessing over people I can’t help, situations I can’t change or generally just getting overly annoyed with something, can all destroy my peace and work me up. A migraine reminds me to calm down and accept things I can’t control. As strange as it sounds, it is my reminder to find my peace again.

I will never be rid of migraines. They are my hereditary curse. But unlike my ancestors, who I hear went to bed for days at a time, I am always grateful for the medication available to relieve the pain fast. And in a way I’m grateful for the very real down time.

While I will always have migraines, I know I will always have a reason to be calm. When I forget that life isn’t meant to be lived so fast and that I’m not meant to work myself up over trivial things, I have my reminder to find inner stillness and peace. Today I received that reminder. And while I’m up high in the sky as the storm clouds below me have passed, after almost 7 hours of being horizontal in bed, I have regained my calm self once more.