Forget millenials: What about all the stuff baby-boomers are “killing?”

Every day it seems, we are warned about something else millennials are killing: The stock market! Marriage! The NFL! Stories about millennials killing things!

These warnings make me angry and I’ll tell you why: I’m two millennials tightly bound with duct tape (which millennials are also killing!), walking around trying to remember if FOMO is still a thing or not (and if it’s not, I’m sure the millennials killed it). That’s right, I’m a baby-boomer. I know — boo, hiss. Or boom, hiss. Whatever. I can roll my eyes and tweet snarky comments with a dancing shark emogee right back at you.

What I want to know is why we boomers don’t get credit for the things we killed and are still killing. And I don’t just mean democracy and the planet we all live on. Here’s just a short list of things I’d like credit for killing:

· Bullet bras

· Affordable college

· Dressing up for church, the movies, airplanes, dates, or bank robberies

· Pearl necklaces (not those kind, silly!)

· Cursive writing

· Guilt-free tanning

· Table-top juke boxes

· Worry-free sex

· Woody Allen

· White bread

· Wife-swapping

· Pigtails on guys (and you thought man buns were disconcerting!)

· Wife-beater t-shirts

· A livable minimum wage

· Not knowing you are pregnant until you’re showing

· Being restless and creative without having an Adderall prescription

· Waitresses on roller skates

· Being able to say words ending in “ess” like waitress and stewardess without feeling icky

· The old math

· Guilt-free drinking at work

· Green Stamps (ask grandma)

· Thinking cheap gas is a good thing

· First and second-wave feminism

· Panty raids

· Unironic sideburns

· Using Polaroids to blackmail the neighbors

· Using pronouns without worry

· Jell-O salads

· Short-term memory

· Porn you had to leave the house to buy

· Childhood vaccinations

· Outdoor dog houses

· Reliable journalism

Keep in mind that we older folk were just as good at stopping things dead in their track as millennials. I just hope the newest generation, if there is one, can learn from us.

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