Make-up Tips for the Resistance

Even if you’re the queen of the smoky eye or can draw on perfect eyebrows while riding an e-bike through rush hour traffic, chances are when it comes to making the appropriate make-up choices for a protest march or a shout-fest with your member of Congress at a town hall meeting, you’re as much in the dark as the rest of us.

That’s why we’ve put together this handy cheat sheet for making sure your resistance face is ready to face the world.

· While fighting for justice, you’ll want to make sure none of your products are tested on woodland creatures or small furry animals of any kind. You have so many other choices these days, including a new line tested only neo-Nazis who no longer have jobs.

· It’s one thing for your mascara to be waterproof, but how will it hold up under pepper spray and possibly a poorly aimed fire hose? Now might be the time to consider permanently dying your eyelashes because no one wants to look like they’re ugly crying on that viral video of police macing peaceful protesters.

· Chances are that at seven months into our own private Idontknow, you’ve got “college student home for the holidays with four months’ laundry”-sized duffel bags under your eyes. In this case, a good concealer can be a girl’s (and a man’s and a non-gender-identifying person’s) best friend. Forget trying to match your skin tone: Choose bleached-sheet white because apparently that’s the only color that will blend in with the new regime.

· Sometimes you want your lips to say, “Come hither” and sometimes you want them to say, “I’m so sick of this racist, sexist, homophobic, planet-destroying bullshit.” There are few lipstick colors that can do both, so we recommend packing two in your taking-it-to-the-streets fanny pack (along with your cell phone, zip ties, and a bottle of almond milk to take the sting out of mace). Always carry a nice shade of red for romantic occasions in a jail cell and midnight black for everyday resisting. And don’t think no one will know what kind of lipstick you’re wearing when you’ve got a bandana over your mouth. You’ll know.

· Foundation is the foundation for everything. The most important thing you should look for is one that acknowledge your past transgressions in not standing up for marginalized communities. You can usually find this shade in both liquid and foam.

· Your eyes may well be sunken, with some natural blue-black showing through from the veins that have popped while scowling at the news on your Twitter feed every morning before your minimum-wage job. Rather than trying to cover this look up, accentuate it. Choose a dark shade of blue or gray and apply it heavily enough to bring out your fatigue and world-weariness.

· Who says you have to sport a cat-eye to every event, from a ball game to a ball-buster? Take your eyeliner and let your creativity flow. Questioning the meaning of life? How about question marks at the corners of your eyes? Certain that the commander-in-chief is suffering from a mental health disorder? Find the proper DSM code and temporarily ink it above your lashes. We recommend 297.1, 302.74, and 302.81.

· Whoever said “Eyes are the window to the soul,” should have added, “But eyebrows are the path to resistance.” Your eyebrows, plucked correctly and shaded right, or, should I say, left, can speak volumes during silent protest marches. Consider what you want them to say before hitting the streets: Are they angry? Confused? Exhausted? Overly caffeinated and slightly horny at the sight of that good-looking intersectional feminist in the intersection? At all times, your brows should be on brand.

Now you’re ready to put your most powerful face forward as you hoist a protest sign above your head and chant, “This is what democracy looks like.” And if someone from the counter-resistance urges you to smile, hit ’em with your fanny pack.

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