ECSTASY

I’m fighting off addiction from within me.

‘You’.

And i’m very sure i’m losing the battle.

I am really aware i’m fighting my demons too, but i end up relapsing over and over again. like i’m too far off and i can’t be saved. I am annoyed how talented i am at pushing everybody i love so far away. And for somebody so damn scared of ending up alone, i have a way of making sure it happens.

Something i learned about addicts is they are fucking ruthlessly in love with drugs. What a strange feeling being jealous of a substance. always knowing i will never make you feel that way, never getting you as high as you need to be.

but still, you have to admit, i tried.

You have to admit that we fused, not as in sex. when i say fuse, i mean we laid there together, not doing just being, and through that we began to fuse. Our feelings/vibes/souls or whatever you want to call them began to concentrate, willlingly or not.

You have to admit that i hardly smoke but i always wanted to smoke your drugs. Because when you can’t compete with a women _substance, you become its friend, and i felt it, the power of your stare whenever you light a joint, like i wasn’t there, like i never existed.

You have to admit that you have damage just like everybody else but i needed you to know that time that i wanted to be around yours, not so i can fix you, i won’t try but i would keep you company as you put your pieces together. Enjoy watching you work out knots in your life.

You don’t.

You had a bad feeling about me, you saw a dangerous road and you saw a warning sign and do not enter. And at the end of the road you saw flames and pointed tips of some familiar red horns, you heard the devil calling your name telling you to come back home again. But that wasn’t me that’s what you thought i’d be through your Ecstasy.

Who takes the blame now ? Me ? You ? Or your Drugs ?
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