Waited on Him — How did that go exactly?…
Hey Friends
Firstly, thank you for the love shown on our return as #BeingRealwithKG — as I said in the previous blog, it’s a new season, a new adventure.
If you haven’t read last week’s blog:
Before, we get into this conversation, can I share a song with you that’s currently on my repeat on my Apple Music and it also inspired the title of this blog: Waited on Him
So, you probably wondering why this song, why this topic — in a worst-case scenario, you are saying ‘Which one is this one now?’
Friends, let me indulge you
Life is interesting and often very unpredictable or rather sometimes we choose to ignore and delay fate for so long that eventually, life unpacks itself.
Last year friends was a very tough year that changed so many things that I considered normal — what I mean by this is, that change happened after years and months and weeks of ‘playing the naive game or avoiding things.’ Change is good and it’s very beautiful but it's not always easy and shining like we would all love it to be.
What change also does is allow us to choose ourselves and protect ourselves from things. Anyway, so I journeyed into a new life last year, and like on paper I knew that it was meant to be and everything will be okay, especially because my best friend JESUS had guided me and told me about it for like 3 months before me joining the chat lol. Yet, in reality — I battled a lot with uncertainty, my future, and even as deep as my identity.
Have you ever felt like you were so lost that death seemed to be the easy way to Peace and Freedom?
I know — you read this question and thought ‘wow that’s deep’ but many of you read this and related it in so many ways.
It went as deep as I wanted to run away and move from Cape Town to somewhere as far as possible — where people wouldn’t know who I was and I would be someone else [Hectic]
Although at this time, I wasn’t okay with my best friend, He was just consistently there even when I knew that I didn’t want his advice or guidance. Well — He spoke to me anyway and said ‘Bad idea’
By a bad idea, he meant — I would eventually lose myself more than I had already had and at that time — the only thing that was left was my life honestly.
At the tip of this new life — unfortunately, as much as I would have loved to stay home, stay safe and lock myself in my room — I needed to pick myself up and work this ‘new beginning’ cause at the end of the day — I was still ‘Kgotso Hope Lekau’ to so many people that commitments and appearance needed to be done and in the media space — they say ‘Fake it till you make it and ’The show must go on’ … I remember that I was working on some few big projects at the time and I was either the creative head or event head of that stuff that just dropping them was impossible but ones that didn’t brands involved I had to pause cause I wasn’t myself no more.
To all the Unpackers — you would remember when the podcast network went on a break — I had to because I felt that I was not being real with myself and you guys — to be pouring into you but I am a broken cup at the time like I was running out of my river and the thought that unpacking global stuff bought more attention on me and I wanted none of that.
It was during that break that my best friend said ‘Wait on Me’ — Let me help you
He added this:
“But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” — Isaiah 40:31
One thing about me friends, you don’t stop me and this is because of the cycle I have had in my life over the years — one thing after the other — pause for who.
And the world tells us — Get up and keep on pushing!! No one is going to do it for you, they say… Get Bread.
Then this guy tells me to Pause, Wait, put the tools down, and let him help me…
Now, this scripture is very familiar to me but now it’s not giving what it normally would give so it became a battle of ‘Can I fully trust Jesus with my life again or rather Can I fully get to know Jesus for myself and let go and let him be Jesus?
Friends note that this comes with trusting without knowing the plan. And after such crazy past few years — we want to know the plan, the details — all of them not just a compass of what it looks like.
Have you ever felt burnt out?
Felt spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically tired to your bones and brain?
Where you’re only energy is to wish that you can wake up 2 years from now and everything would be fine and you would have recovered all and more.
Friends,
When you have time; please go listen to this song:
watch — Air I breathe — Joe Mettle
At that stage in my life; it helped me so much and made my decision easy. I would listen to this song in heavy tears pouring and pouring even sleep with it.
I was scared to take a leap of faith and trust Jesus with my life again after the experience I had.
Yet, this song here reminds me of how I wouldn’t be able to do life without him even though I thought of it.
The lesson here is that often we don’t feel the presence of our best friend or someone close to us and as result, we might feel like they are no longer there and have left us to wander alone but the truth is there are very much present and they love us very much.
For example — You might have a close friend that you haven’t spoken to in months and that might make you feel like you lost them or the spark is no longer there but in fact, they still consider you their bestie just that life has kept them so busy. Then, you get a job after years of unemployment and you share the news on WhatsApp and they are there first to congratulate and remind you about those times you guys strengthened each other when days were dark even details you might have forgotten. Then you realize that the spark never left and they were there the whole time.
In my situation; Jesus was that best friend and he was consistent with his word that ‘He will never leave me nor forsake me. The devil with his squad had driven me to a place of thinking I had lost Jesus.
Now, in my circle at this point — it was about two people with that I can openly share how I was feeling and I was doing…
Both of them also played a huge role in my life last year and they happen to be much older than me so it was a good support structure and they would tell you my phrase of ‘Going through the most’ stage.
And because I had tasted the goodness of God — I fell and got reintroduced into a relationship with Jesus and this waiting stage was the best stage of my new life.
To those who follow me on socials — you would remember my new year message for 2022, which I fully acknowledged later after the big shouts in the world.
This year has been that year — My year of Recovery, and Trusting Jesus with my life.
Have I stopped waiting now?
He is a good Father and friend every day — there is something new worth listening to and waiting on him for!!
I am so refreshed and I am recovering beautifully.
I can dream again,
I can breathe again,
I am ALIVE and FREE all cause I waited and I’m waiting
I am currently sitting in the passenger seat and Jesus is my driver he gets me more than anyone else in the world.
This is why I can gladly open up and bring you in to my new world that I am discovering daily already on my socials — I have shared over the past months but here friends we will go deep and engage with each other on a personal level of friendship.
Perhaps, you have been running away from the Pause and ‘Wait upon the Lord’ conversation and you reading this and you are asking the universe if its another trick — friend, it's not the universe … it's divine appointment — After years, of being a rat race and accomplishing left, right and center … I can tell you choosing yourself and allowing this pause is a real accomplishment.
Often we give off ourselves so much that we are the reason eventually for the amount of pain we feel when that cup overflows.
In my current read — ‘Live the Let Go Life’ by Joseph Prince — I am learning so much about letting go, waiting on the Lord, and him.
The scripture said
’Those who wait on the Lord shall be renewed, their strength
’They shall mount up with wings like eagles
’They shall run and not be weary
’They shall walk and not faint
Note definite promises, not wishful thoughts, and I live to testify of them.
It’s a wrap friends for this week… I hope that this blog encouraged you for the week and I would love to hear from you using #BeingRealwithKG or Dm on socials @kgotsohopelekau
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