This is because the more honest you can be about your needs, the more you’re giving your partner a chance to understand and adapt to them. When your primary goal is to sustain the relationship because you’re afraid to lose it, you’re more inclined to stay quiet and small, even though you feel disrespected or neglected.
And deep work habits also train us to have “deep downtime.” To have deeply engaging conversations with our friends and family, where we show our vulnerabilities and get to the core of who we are. Rather than staring at our phones and distractedly discussing the weather (as most of us do).
Many things require deep, focused work. Switching contexts is expensive. If we are distracted from writing code by a 5-minute phone call we do not lose 5 minutes, we might lose hours of excellent work.
…id feeling like we have something to prove. That’s hero language, and we don’t do hero. We do work. We have work to do. Big and small — we’re satisfied by doing good work and getting it done in the time we give ourselves up front. Heros are only satisfied by rescuing things, doing the impossible, or saving the world. We’ll leave those antics to teams that run on fumes. We’ll run on a good night’s sleep.