Top Ten Things To List When You’re Writing Clickbait

Have you recently lost your job as a paparazzo? Has your spam network been shut down? Those canned emails you’re sending in blue text not bringing in the same stampede of clients looking for your SEO expertise anymore? If so, you might want to get into the lucrative clickbait industry. Just put these worms on the end of whatever internet hooks you have, walk away and you can make thousands a day essentially doing nothing, for reals. For reals.

1. “Celebrity” something-or-other. It doesn’t matter what it is. “8 Ways Celebrities Stay Awesomer Than Normals Like You”, even.
2. “Mistakes” of any kind. (Please note that really means any kind.) E.g. “9 Mistakes Drunk Australians Make Trying To Pick Up Snakes”.
3. “To” somethings. (These are distinguished from genuinely useful “How To” articles, which list a single series of steps to achieve an outcome.) Like, “6 Ways To Butt In Line At Disneyland And Get Away With It Like A Pro”.
4. “Money” anything. “10 Ways To Make Money Taking Selfies” = awesome.
5. “Appearance” things, broadly construed. “5 Ways To Look Better Than The People Around You” would probably work great.
6. “Job” stuff. “9 Ways Ambitious People Get Ahead Of Others Who Work Harder Than They Do” might do. “Top 1o Things To Do When You Are Unemployed” would probably break the internet.

Did you notice this list is incomplete? Do you have any ideas for great clickbait things to list? If so, please join the discussion by posting comments here, or go on the Twitter using #clickbait.