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Writer, Poet, Philosopher, WordPress Developer, Mental wellness advocate.

Feeding the right wolf.

Every time I write about this experience I do feel the need to preface it with the following: I am sharing this to raise awareness of what many, like me, struggle with everyday and to help those who feel alone. This is not a cry for help (as some have suggested) just an honest transparency of experience.

A new beginning

Enter Stage Left.

Being so transparently open is an extremely new experience for me — not only am I being more open to those close to me, but I am being open with the world. …

Standing up after falling down: Living after trying to die.

I am sharing this to raise awareness of what many like me struggle with everyday and to help those who feel alone.

Yes, I am in hospital again.
No, I did not try to off myself again.
Believe it or not, I saw the signs, and I checked myself in.
I repeat I checked myself in.

This was not the post or the place I had hoped to be writing from almost 2 months after my attempted suicide.

Plans do help, but you definitely need to adapt to survive.

I did, briefly, end up in a really good space that…

Promises to my life partner.

My Dear Love,
Thus far, I probably haven’t been the best partner I could be.
But you make me want to be a better me.
Not a better me for you, No. A Better Me for Me.
Thank you for loving me as I am. Unconditionally.

My Dear Love,
You are perfect.
Do not strive to be any different than the wonderful you that you are.
You ARE Perfect.
I promise to never try to change you.

My Dear Love, You will change. We all always change. And when you do, I will love you as much now as I…

Photo credit Alex Jones from unsplash.

Help me, Help others.

Firstly, the point of this open and honest post is:

  • Let others who may be here know that they are not alone.
  • Raise awareness, and know that it can happen to anyone.
  • Figure out together, how to be better at helping each other.

Lets begin.
Suicide was not a cry for help.
Nor did I want to die.
I just no longer wished for the pain of existence.

I was tired of saying goodbye to people I love.
I was tired of the ability to leave me to be so easy.

“Did you really want to die?” “No one commits…

Nothing lasts forever, and never has forever had such a short life span as in love and relationships.

It was probably the French-Swiss film director, Jean-Luc Godard, who said it best:

“A story should have a beginning, a middle and an end, but not necessarily in that order.”

Like stories, this is also true for love and life.

The Japanese have a beautiful tradition called Hanami which means ‘flower viewing’. It celebrates some of life’s beautiful, tender, and yet ephemeral moments — the blooming of a flower, especially the Sakura (cherry blossoms).

What is especially beautiful about this gentle acknowledgement…

When one is wronged, it is easy to feel angry. Anger robs us of the necessary sobriety of thought we need to grieve — something the end of an intimate relationship may need. Anger hi-jacks us of our faculties of thought required to think clearly and deeply about our loss.

“Intimate relationships are perilous because of the exposure and lack of control they involve. Being seriously wronged is a constant possibility, and anger, therefore, a constant and profoundly human temptation. If vulnerability is a necessary consequence of giving love its proper value, then grief is often right and valuable. It…

As a species and a society, we have grown to over romanticize and popularize happiness and have exiled all feelings of the contrary to the unpopular and unwanted crevices of human emotion.

We strive only to increase those things that make us happy or that bring happiness to us, and at the slightest surfacing of alternate emotions we do everything we possibly can to “cheer” ourselves up and those around us. We forcibly excise sadness and inflate happiness.

We forget, or at least we do not realize, that what makes us complete individuals is our ability to access the full…

While I am ok, giving myself hope for when I am not.

photo taken by Jan Kahánek

Dear Leo,

Its me, you.

You and I have been on quite a journey together. We have been through it all; side-by-side. We have cried on our knees at 3am, on the shower floor, we have laughed on mountain tops, and smiled at sunrises. You and I, together, always.

You have been on quite the journey this past year.

I have seen you enter this year at what some might say was the highest you have ever been. I have watched you fall, plummet even, to the very depths of despair.

I have seen you have everything your heart ever…

(This is a poem about the thoughts & feelings that so many suffer with daily.)

“He fought so hard”,
people would say.
And he did,
he did,
until he didn’t.

Gone, long before his heart stopped beating.
In a moment living merely became the passing of time.
He was defeated by the long hard struggle
of being alive.

He looked upon life and realised that everyone
should have the right to reject this gift
that they had never asked for.
Was it not more selfish to demand of another
that they endure the intolerable pain of existence?

In the end…

Dear Mothers,
Please forgive us children who do not understand
That You offer only a helping hand.
A hand that has the strength to hold up the sky
and we reject you and we make you cry…
Please forgive us…

I have seen the love of mothers, of all mothers
with a love unmatched, unfathomable, unconditional.
A mothers love is love in its truest and purest form
given to all her beloved children.
You show love how love should be.

How cursed am I that God fashioned me into a man for i shall never know the joys of being…

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