Self Doubt , Ostriches and Clairsentience
Have you ever found yourself aware of things that you had no ‘logical’ way of knowing? For many years my reaction to my ability to know things caused me a lot of anxiety. I spent a lifetime trying to shut my ‘knowing’ down. But I now have a name for the knowing I have always felt — Clairsentience.
My relationship with my own clairsentience has been a rocky one and perhaps unsurprisingly this has led me to be plagued by self doubt. Through the presentations made by Serge Benhayon I have been reminded that my body is a conduit that can receive messages through clairsentience (divine, wise, intelligent, responsible, loving, all encompassing and all knowing) or messages from somewhere (anywhere) else (reckless, irresponsible, emotional, dishonest and dramatic).
For me self doubt has always been about denying my clairsentience. I have made many mistakes in my life. But when I examine these errors of judgment closely I get the sense that the biggest ouch of all is the fact that I felt the truth all along. When a relationship ended I was shocked and deeply sad… but the writing had been on the wall from day one. When I was ripped off in a foreign country the thing that really got to me was the fact that I handed over my cash even though I felt things were not right.
Why do I doubt myself? The first thing that stands out for me is the fact that I want reality to be different from what it is. I wanted my boyfriend and I to live happily ever after, I wanted to live in a world where people don’t rip each other off. In fact it’s come to my attention that there are many aspects of the way the world is currently operating that make me feel physically unwell when I think about them, things like war, human trafficking, animal cruelty, corruption, pedophilia, addiction and depression… I could go on for pages.
And that’s just the big stuff. The everyday stuff is even worse in a way. We sense it when someone betrays us, we know when someone speaks our name in an unloving way. We can feel the sadness expressed in the movements of strangers at the supermarket and in the vacant eyes of people we see in our social media feeds. And what have I used to avoid feeling the devastation we are in as a collective human population? Self doubt.
So what I am I doing when I choose self doubt over my natural clairsentience? Effectively self doubt is a choice to put my head in the sand like the proverbial ostrich. I’m not actually sure what would happen to an ostrich if it used this as a defense mechanism but I’m certain it wouldn’t be pretty or particularly safe. Incidentally I looked this up and ostriches don’t respond to danger in this way at all, in fact, when danger comes their way they hightail it out of there. The poor old ostrich is more likely looking for pebbles to help digest it’s last meal (whether or not the ostrich is trying to dull down it’s awareness with a meal that needs pebbles in order to be digested is a matter for another blog). It’s just as well ostriches can’t sue for defamation.
Jokes aside, the animal kingdom often shows us how natural it is to sense the truth. For animals it’s a matter of life and death and they are much better at moving on and being in the present once danger passes.
As I have begun to allow myself to see self doubt for the choice that it is it has unraveled itself. I don’t always feel as though I have the answers but I know they will come to me when needed if I am open to receiving the truth because clairsentience is natural to me, as it is to each and every one of us.
Our clairsentience will always show us the way home and the truth of who we are. Self doubt is nothing but a game we play with ourselves, it is not real. It can seem like I can’t feel what’s true at times but if I connect to myself the answers are never far away. I didn’t know that ostriches were much smarter than we give them credit for before I wrote this blog but I did trust my clairsentience and now know the truth.