The Science of Appreciation, Part of Every Moment
For the past eight months or so I’ve been working with a group of dedicated writers to produce articles on set topics. Up until now I’ve been able to write on topic each time and although some subjects have been more challenging than others, I’ve not missed a beat.
This time it’s different, this time I’ve been asked to write about appreciation and it has stopped me in my tracks. Even as I write this I feel like bursting into tears. The child in me wants to run a million miles from the computer.
So today after weeks of delay, I am asking myself, “why is this so hard”? I am pretty good at clocking the beauty that surrounds us all, the sun, the sky and the stars. I know I am blessed to have a good job, family, wonderful partner and an incredible group of friends. Many times I have been in awe when incredible opportunities seemingly ‘fell’ into my lap or the colours of the sky during sunrise or sunset took my breath away. When I speak to people I find it easy to tell them how much I appreciate them, the way they light up my life and what they bring to the world, I do it often. Last and certainly not least I’ve had more things to appreciate than I would have thought possible since I discovered Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine around seven years ago. So seriously, what’s the problem?
My head wants to jump in with all the answers. It tells me that by avoiding appreciation I am simply avoiding my responsibility to be all of me. It’s a fact too. I know that the more I appreciate myself the more that I will realise how important my contribution to the world is, but the facts feel hollow and hard. My head is not helping.
I ask my body what the next step is. It says, “bring some understanding to yourself, you are a deeply sensitive, tender being. You don’t have an issue with appreciation and you are not a ‘bad’, ‘irresponsible’ person. Those judgmental thoughts no matter how subtle are all equally crushing. There is a reason you are choosing to have an issue with appreciation.”
I let myself feel that underneath it all I don’t have an issue with appreciation at all. In fact, I can see I am afraid of what will happen when I let the world know just how much I value myself. I start remembering my childhood and the confidence I had, the. The way I could command a room and feel how deeply precious I was. I also sense that others didn’t always embrace my confidence and unbridled appreciation of myself. As a child I did not understand that the shunning, withdrawal, harsh words, bullying and taunting was actually a symptom of jealousy. I chose to interpret these things as a sign that I was not so crash hot after all and I used them to ‘take myself down a notch’. Ah what a convenient way to fit in and be accepted. Everybody wins, or so I thought (that’s where listening to my head gets me).
So today I have an opportunity to claim myself back. Appreciation is not just our responsibility, it is our birthright. I’ve also just discovered that I’ve left my lunch in the oven about an hour too long (a little too crunchy for my tastes). Ha! I could go into my normal judgment and self bashing, but this blog reminds me it’s another moment to appreciate. Perhaps I’ve sensed that I need to eat something different today, perhaps I have an opportunity to look at the way I am doing things and change some behaviours that aren’t working for me and impacting others. Perhaps I am so deeply loved and supported that I am being shown my worth has nothing to do with what I do and everything to do with the way I respond to what life presents. Every moment is an opportunity to engage with the science of appreciation.