An Uncomfortable Way to Improve Your One-on-Ones as an Engineering Manager
How Silence Transformed my One-on-One’s
As an Engineering Manager, your calendar is likely filled with back-to-back one-on-one meetings. Each session, you come prepared with career development opportunities, a list of updates, action items, and perhaps some feedback for your team members. It’s a structured approach, designed to maximize the efficiency of these interactions.
But let’s pause for a moment and reconsider this approach. What if I told you that the most transformative tool at your disposal might be something as simple but uncomfortable as silence?
Yes, silence. It’s not about the absence of communication but rather a powerful form of it.
Think of silence as the canvas upon which more profound thoughts and insights can be painted. In the rush to fill every moment with words, we often overlook its value. Silence in meetings isn’t about awkward pauses or a lack of things to say.
It’s about intentionally creating space for deeper reflection, understanding, and connection.
How Silence Transformed my One-on-One’s as an Engineering Manager
Let me share my personal experience how I discovered the power of silence in meetings and especially in one-on-ones:
When I first stepped into a management role, my one-on-ones were completely planned. I’d outline each meeting, leaving little room for anything but the exchange of information. This approach seemed effective until I noticed that some of my more introverted engineers rarely shared their thoughts unless prompted directly.
I realized my structured approach might actually be stifling deeper conversation. It was then that a mentor recommended experimenting with deliberate pauses in my one-on-ones.
At first, it felt unnatural, almost counterintuitive. I worried the silence might be perceived as disinterest or dissatisfaction on my part.
However, the opposite proved true. Over time, these pauses became moments where my quieter team members felt comfortable opening up. They shared not just updates but their concerns, aspirations, and even innovative ideas that might never have surfaced in our previous, more hurried discussions.
For instance, during a particularly silent pause, one engineer, who typically spoke very little, began to share his vision for optimizing a critical piece of our team’s infrastructure. This idea, born from a moment of silence, eventually led to significant improvements in our workflow and even had a huge business impact.
This experience taught me the true power of silence in one-on-ones and meetings in general:
The True Power of Silence in One-on-Ones
It’s not merely a break in the conversation; it’s an invitation. An invitation for team members to contribute in their own time and in their own way, fostering a more inclusive and innovative environment. It challenged me to become comfortable with silence, recognizing it as a space where the unspoken can finally be heard.
If you only want to improve your one-on-one’s using silence as a tool you can stop reading here, but if you want to find out about more techniques involving silence that are applicable to meetings in general continue to read.
Normalize Silence for Thoughtful Responses
Modeling the behavior of taking a moment of silence before responding to complex questions or feedback sets a precedent that it’s okay to take time to think before speaking.
This approach fosters an environment where thoughtful and considered responses are the norm, encouraging a culture of deep reflection and respect for the deliberation process.
Use Silent Reflection as a Tool
Allocating time for silent reflection during meetings, particularly sprint meetings, can greatly enrich the collaborative process.
This approach is especially effective during the retrospective phase, where team members assess the past sprint’s successes and areas for improvement.
By dedicating a portion of the retrospective to silent reflection, each participant can independently contemplate their observations and insights before sharing them with the group. This technique ensures that discussions are informed by thoughtful consideration, allowing for a deeper dive into what worked, what didn’t, and how processes can be optimized in future sprints.
Employing silent reflection in this context not only fosters a more thorough analysis of the team’s performance but also encourages a more inclusive environment where every team member’s perspective is valued and heard.
Encourage Written Reflection
Inviting team members to write down their thoughts after or during the silent reflection phase, not only introduces a structured form of silence into meetings but also allows for a richer exchange of ideas.
A smilar approach is used by Amazon in meetings: Meetings start with everybody sitting in silence and reading a document as the base for the meeting discussion instead of being presented with slides.
By asking participants to first document their reflections, you intentionally create a quiet space for individual thought, which can lead to more insightful contributions when the team regroups to discuss. This method ensures that discussions are based on well-considered reflections, making the retrospectives more meaningful and productive.
Implementing written reflection in this way can significantly enhance the effectiveness of sprint meetings by ensuring all voices are heard and every perspective is considered, fostering a culture of continuous improvement.
Silent Brainstorming Sessions
Starting brainstorming sessions with a period of silence, where everyone writes down their ideas, ensures that all team members, regardless of their communication style, have their voices heard.
This technique can unearth overlooked solutions and encourage the contribution of unique ideas, enriching the brainstorming process and enhancing the team’s problem-solving capabilities.
Provide a time limit within which every team member writes down their ideas / contribution. When the silent brainstorming is over everybody shares their results.
A real time brainstorming tool like Figjam proved very helpful to not just share the results at the end but read in real time what other people write down on digital sticky notes.
Communicate that it’s okay to add ideas after the silent brainstorming phase. Most of the times people come up with more ideas when people expand on their written down notes.
Conclusion
As an engineering manager, your job is to lead with intention. It’s about making room for not just getting things done but also sparking creativity and thoughtful thinking.
The methods we’ve looked at — like embracing pauses for thoughtful responses, dedicating time for silent reflection, encouraging written insights, and facilitating silent brainstorming — are opportunities for you to bring out the best in your team.
Bringing silence into your meetings does more than just mix things up; it’s a step toward creating a team culture that’s more welcoming, thoughtful, and creative. By trying out these practices, you’re not only getting better at leading; you’re also supporting a work environment where everyone feels encouraged to share their greatest ideas.
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