I get what you’re saying, Vernon. I’ve heard it all my life and I understand the good intentions behind it. However.

The reason your advice got the response that it did is that it comes from the same place the attacks did — a place of discomfort with the “other,” whether we’re talking about “uppity women” or big feelings. They don’t like uppity women. You are uncomfortable with big feelings. (Possibly because they are coming from a woman? It wouldn’t be unreasonable to believe that you have been affected by our culture’s rules against anger. One expression of those rules is thinking that being angry means I’ve ceded my power.)

“Don’t take it personally” is advice usually offered after someone has experienced a personal attack and is outraged/angry about it. It says, in a subtle way, “there’s something wrong about your reaction.” Vernon, what the heck is wrong with being pissed off?

The best thing anyone can do for anyone who is having big feelings — anger/outrage, grief, fear — is to acknowledge them and acknowledge the essential sanity of having them.