Comedian Confessions: The Hardest I Ever Bombed

So, don’t get me wrong. By many Professional Comedian’s standards, I am no “Comedian”. But, I’ve taken my “act” on the “road”, and I have done paying gigs, so…yeah. This is about the worst response to a joke I have ever gotten.

A little backstory: Firstly, this joke isn’t originally mine. It is, however, my favorite joke of all time. The joke essentially goes —

Person A (Usually in reference to a horrible accident): Are you comfortable?
Person B: Eh, I make a living.

That’s it. That’s my favorite joke. Secondly, the joke was not told in a traditional venue that was conducive to stand-up. It was told in a dentist’s office, post-surgery. Okay.

I had to get a tooth removed. The reason the tooth was removed is not the story. So, post-getting-my-tooth-removed, I’m sitting there in the dentist chair, mouth full of stitches and in pain from Novocaine shots, looking at the dentist and the very attractive, young dental student. I’ve looked better.

The dentist was going through the list of what to do while in recovery. Then the dentist paused, and in a moment of bed-side (Chair-side?) manner, asked me

Are you comfortable?

This was it. I’ve been alive for 21 years at this point. I have always — ALWAYS — been waiting to make this joke. My entire life, I have waited for someone to ask me if I was comfortable. A small smile creeps on my face. Mouth numb and full of stitching I reply in perfect elocution:

I make a living.

That’s it. Ensue laughter. I wait. I will wait an eternity. Nothing. The dental student looks confusingly at me and then the dentist and back and forth. She thinks that was a joke, but this is the dental office; there are no jokes to be told here. The dentist looks confused and concerned. Did he administer too much Novocaine? What’s wrong with this patient. He asks:

Excuse me?

Heartbroken. I respond

Nothing. I’m comfortable, yes.

My favorite joke. Falling flat on one of the worst days of my life. In one of my least favorite of places. No wonder dentistry has one of the highest suicide rates amongst any profession.

That was the hardest I ever bombed.