Four Questions I Ask To Love Myself

Can we learn to be kind to ourselves? Can we learn to have patience with ourselves? To love ourselves like we love others. To listen to ourselves like we listen to others?

I have spent a large amount of life hating the person in the mirror.

I wore masks. I hurt people. I secluded myself. I was selfish, arrogant, jealous and manipulative.

Deep down, I was never good enough. A recent coaching client said to me, “I brought home a 98% and was asked where’s the other 2%?”

That struck a chord in my soul. That was my life.

Maybe you had exceedingly high expectations from parents or others.

Maybe you still have exceedingly high expectations. Except this time, it is the story you tell yourself.

“If I don’t do enough, I won’t be worthy.

If I don’t do enough, people will leave.

If I don’t do enough, people won’t love me.”

These are the stories we constantly tell ourselves to continue MORE doing.

Can we just stop it all? Can we just slow the F*CK down and smell the coffee. We can’t do our way to love ourselves.

Believe me, I’ve tried every method — gratitude journals, affirmations, surrounding ourselves with positive thoughts and people. I’m not saying it doesn’t make an impact. I hope it works for you.

It didn’t for me. That ‘not good enough’ feeling persisted.

Can we sort through the negative self-talk inside our heads?

For me, it was basic reflection. What is it?

Sitting, doing nothing, not even meditating.

Allowing myself space and time to just be has been the most impactful. And, then asking those same questions:

1. Can I learn to be kind to myself?

2. Can I learn to have patience with myself?

3. Can I love myself like I love others?

4. Can I listen to myself like I listen to others?