Why I’m embracing my doom boxes
So confession time: I am super messy and a bit of a hoarder. I know, best combo ever…right? *sobs internally*
I own far too many things and I often leave them on surfaces for months at a time before I eventually put them away. This situation is also not helped by the fact that one of my mother’s love languages is gifting and I work at a company that is always sending me lots of things.
In short: I am basically screwed.
By owning too many things I then end up with piles or boxes of items that don’t make sense being put together and I have no motivation to sort them out. It doesn’t matter how many episodes of Marie Kondo I watch, it does not motivate me…EVER.
I don’t think I was fully aware of how bad my habits were until we moved recently. We’ve been living in our new place for a few months and still haven’t fully unpacked. Now I know what you’re thinking…but Leslie that is super normal, don’t be so hard on yourself.
Well, what is not normal is having boxes of random things all over the floor I haven’t used in years, that in a logical sense should be thrown out but I just can’t allow myself to do it.
The issue is that I place emotional attachment on objects. Sometimes it’s something really simple, like someone sending me a card or giving me an item. When I look at that object I then think of the person and the positive memory I shared with them. It’s a real dopamine kick!
As someone who has had anxiety and depression most of their life, I always worry about forgetting moments that mean a lot to me. There’s been a few moments I’ve shared with people over the last year that I can feel becoming faded, however anchoring memories on objects helps me remember them better…but anxiety and memory loss is another story for another time!
This type of emotional attachment I have no issue with and I don’t really have many things that tick this box.
The other type of attachment is “what if” related. So say the item is a gift, the “what if” would be “what if they get upset that I gave it away?” Or let’s say the item is a piece of clothing I love that doesn’t fit, the “what if” would be “what if I do lose enough weight to fit back into this?”
It’s the “what ifs” that make me feel so guilt ridden.
During the move, I had a month where I ruthlessly threw things away. It was so hard but also very freeing. Unfortunately, the boxes I have left are the harder “what ifs” to overcome and I am struggling…big time!
I don’t think I can throw them away but they can’t stay on the floor forever. Sigh.
This stuff is legitimately so hard and I applaud anyone that is able to throw or give things away without getting lost in “what ifs”.
For years I’ve felt so ashamed and less of a woman for being this messy. The domestic goddess stereotype placed on women is so unrealistic and outdated. In my head I know this…but it doesn’t stop me judging myself.
It’s only been the last few weeks, that I have started to embrace my messiness and learn how to utilise it. This has been fully down to a concept I came across on Tik Tok. Over on ADHD Tik Tok, doom boxes have been going viral. I don’t know if I have ADHD, but I relate to doom boxes deeply.
For those that don’t know, doom boxes are boxes of random things you haven’t organized. Doom is actually an acronym for “Didn’t Organize, Only Moved.” As soon as I saw the first video on this, I instantly related. I have had so many doom boxes in the past and seeing other people own theirs was inspiring.
The concept actually reminds me of a specific episode of Friends, where the gang are trying to work out the contents of a locked cupboard inside Monica’s apartment. At the end of the episode, it’s revealed that inside is a giant pile of random objects and Monica had been concentrating all her “messiness” into a single cupboard.
This got me thinking…if Monica can have a whole cupboard, then surely I can have a few boxes, right?
As part of my recent rebellion on societal standards and in an attempt to copy a 90’s sitcom character, I’ve decided I’m going to own my doom boxes.
- Should I be embarrassed and ashamed that I have a large box of random crap in my cupboard? Heck no!
- Should I feel less of a woman because I have boxes of unorganized things? Definitely not!
- Should I let other people make me feel bad for not sorting my stuff out? Nope!
So, in my head it was all agreed, but the next challenge was persuading the boyfriend.
My boyfriend is very logical and likes things to be very minimal. To win his approval I knew I needed to prove the value of having boxes of random stuff hidden away…which said like that is a tough sell to anyone.
When we chatted about it, I went for the “well we’d be unpacked quicker if we did this and we can share the box”. I think as soon as I said “we’d be unpacked quicker”, I’d instantly won him over.
With both parties now in agreement, it’s finally time for action. So, over this long weekend I will be proudly filling up my doom boxes and placing them in a cupboard — until I am emotionally ready to let go. I don’t care if I’m considered lazy or a terrible adult because I am proactively hiding my mess.
I am going to own my messy truths and if you’re the same as me, I hope you can too!
Leslie x
