I had an episiotomy and have a friend whose doctor does it with every patient.

I’m so sorry to hear about your experience! You may find this article interesting: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/a59626/birth-injuries-postpartum-pain-untreated.

I’m also currently pregnant and plan to have a doula as well. Hiring a mediator is a really good idea too.

Current evidence indicates that episiotomies are only beneficial in certain cases, otherwise natural tearing is far preferable. http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/07/04/483945168/episiotomies-still-common-during-childbirth-despite-advice-to-do-fewer