Why does taking a non-risky risk feel dangerous?

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When we look at taking risks, we tend to think about it as a concept (not an experience). Whenever we’re not actually facing the fear — and fear doesn’t necessitate actual risk, only perceived risk — something happens in our heads, and not out in real life.

We think about what happens beforehand; what we feel before taking a risk. We’ll always feel the same thing, before taking a risk, and - unless we face whatever obstacle — we risk falling into a mental trap where we we assume our thoughts are reality. When trapped that way, we reflect on thoughts about x — rather than experiences of x — and just get more and more entrenched into this make believe reality (and start seeing it all around us). It creates a made up mental web.

When we create a mental web in regards to risk taking, we start seeing “risk taking” — in other words, our own made up version of it — everywhere. We have created a reality, and see a movie play out — before our eyes — based on the rules and other things existing in that reality.

But let’s start talking about the problem, which I understand might be too convoluted to really grasp, and let’s focus on breaking out of this behavior. So, what is the first step…? The first step, to breaking the spell our perception of risk taking has on us, is to look at what risk taking has actually felt for us, when we have engaged in it. More specifically, how we have felt after we have taken a risk. Did it feel like our made up reality says it will feel like…?

My guess, is: your made up version, of what taking a risk feels like and leads to, has very little to do with your actual experience of it. I can almost guarantee, your body rewarded you with a rush of feel-good hormones and things like that; which made you feel exhilarated and more alive than at almost any other time. And open. And able. And worthy.

There are different experiences of facing fear or taking a risk. You have one which is intensely scary — which is the one you face before taking the risk — and the “I feel better than I have in a long time”-one afterwards. It’s almost like clockwork.

Will the pre-risk fear ever go away…? Not completely — especially not if you increase the threshold of what you fear (meaning, you do what feels more scary to you). The more afraid you felt beforehand, the better you will feel afterwards.

So, how do you ever come to terms with going up against your fear..? By experiencing it, many times and regularly. Why?

1. To break down the illusory feeling that you won’t make it out alive.
a) This isn’t actually part of that pre-risk fear, but a stamp we put on it. Certain things happen in our body — our heart beats hard, we start sweating etc — which brings us to think we’re dying. But that’s a thought— it’s not what’s going on. In fact, that’s likely very healthy (oxygen is pumped out into our blood etc). The thing is: Because the experience was so bad, you remember it so well. But, again: it’s not inherent in taking risks — you’re experiencing it in a way worse way because of that “I won’t make it out alive”-thought, which increases your body’s defensive reaction. As soon as you can go through the heart palpitations, and sweating and all of that, without thinking you’re dying, you’ll feel much, much better about taking risks.
b) The worse the experience, the more strength we gain from it (necessarily, because the body had to strengthen itself; just like after a hard workout).
c) Another big reason why the experience feels so bad to think back on, is if you’ve re-lived it in your mind; you’ve spent 10 hours looping it, perhaps it feels like the experience was way worse than in actuality (10 seconds turned to ten hours). d) Finally, you’ve had many amazing experiences but a constant focus on the bad keeps you stuck on that side of the emotional spectrum. You naturally cherry pick, from experiences that felt amazing, the negative aspects when you’re feeling negative. When feeling negative, you literally only see the negative in an experience; it might have been 98% positive, but you’re seeing those other 2%.

2. To come to terms with taking risks, you need fresh reference points to the actual experience of taking a risk; so you’re not stuck with your stress-hormone-induced prophecizing and reflecting on your own thoughts rather than on reality. If you reflect on thought, without testing them against reality, you can go around thinking you’re Napoleon. If you reflect on reality, you won’t.

3. If you take risks, you will start to like them; like the exhilaration of being afraid. Anxiety is excitement. I used to never take risks, and were stuck at the second point here; making things up and taking it on as reality (without testing it against actual reality).

That’s it!

If this has helped you, and you want more of it — more hard-to-argue arguments for your own amazing, indestructible potential — and want it in a form you can keep with you wherever you are, then check the excerpt from my book “8 habits of emotionally amazing living”. You can click on it, and immediately begin reading without giving any of your info away, by clicking on this text.

If you do decide to check that out, let me know — via a comment here or inside the dropbox doc — so I can help you :).

If you think what you read here will be helpful to you, you have any questions about it or you just like me for some unexplicable reason (lol), feel free to hit me up, with something random, normal or ridiculous on:

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Final words: Keep looking for authentic, inspiring and meaningful, (and when you find it, enjoy it & reciprocate it)

The advice in here is not meant to cure any disease or illness. It’s meant purely for entertainment purposes.